nolan_void

School is starting back and so is my neurotic dread of it. I've met some nice people, but for the most part the sight of them all over campus fills me with a sick sort of unpleasantness. There is still so much suffering in me, still so much that I have yet to accept, still so much that I want to be different. All of these things are inseperable, linked by the very nature of reality. I still find myself trying to escape the current moment by imagining a better time, but there can be no better time unless I take the measures to align myself with the inherent rightness of the present. I thought I was going to be able to give up my shrink, but now I'm starting to feel all the crazy thoughts seeping back in and building up. Fortunately my mom agreed to pay for the visits, so at least that's one less bill I have to take care of. She proposed that we pay a monthly amount until she got her taxes back (about a thousand of which comes from me allowing her to still claim me as a dependent) and then just pay the balance off. Some days it seems like I'm doing great, and then all the old ghosts and demons come back like they're fresh out of prison and ready to get revenge on the guy who sent them away for so long.