Been neglecting, no disrespect intended
To cheer myself up I bought a wireless keyboard. It looks as though I stole it from a spaceship thus my desktop now looks awesome! I lurve my peripherals, what a snobhehe
Its been a really weird week of flu and revelations. Sometimes I get really sad that people believe they care when they are confusing love with gratitude, and it hurts because out of my care for them I want to be able to trust them, but whats the point when you know them well enough to know they will let you down? How do you discriminate when drawing the line with trust? And yet on here there is a different etiquette, with netiquette I can ask for anyone to be there for me in a virtual sense and they will be, because I can never see the bits where they dont think about me. How surreal, and yet how reassuring. I came to realise that the reason people get caught up in sadness and cant see past the problems living incurs is because they blur the line between themselves and everyone else. It is so easy to see the people around you as an extension of your world, and through transference to bestow upon them the same virtues and vices you expect in yourself, and the same expectations and the same standards. And its not fair really but its so hard to remember to be separate. I mean surely thats part of wanting to belong, to blur the boundaries. But it only leads to disillusionment and by becoming separate it is easier to become objective, and when you are objective you can solve the puzzles!
Im not sure what Im trying to write. I thought it might be nice to try giving some feedback on what Ive been thinking about in case its useful to other people, but I dont know how to put it. I have been getting down about how I am good at listening to other people but other people have no time for me. They honestly truly believe they do but it is self-delusion 78% of the timeso I have been trying to assess why this is, and came to the conclusion that it is through a lack of objectivity, partly out of self-consciousness and partly out of laziness. So maybe I can say from this understanding, when people seem like they dont care its not out of lack of care, because usually the intentions are pure, it is more out of a lack of ability to follow-through, due to undermining the value of their own actions and due to a necessary focus on their own life. It is natural to make the world around you an extension of your own life because after all, in some ways the world really does revolve around you. Only you can see out of those eyes to read this in the tone you bestow on me, even now you are exercising your will on my reality. Because its the only possible alternative, short of you calling me and asking me to read it.
The viewpoint always changes from person to person and while this doesnt help much I guess it helps to remember that not everybody sees from my angle, in a physical and mental sense, because it means I cant impose my expectations of my behaviour on those around me.
On a lighter note, I have become a belated fanatic of Hot Hot Heat and the exquisite Bandages. What a track!
To cheer myself up I bought a wireless keyboard. It looks as though I stole it from a spaceship thus my desktop now looks awesome! I lurve my peripherals, what a snobhehe
Its been a really weird week of flu and revelations. Sometimes I get really sad that people believe they care when they are confusing love with gratitude, and it hurts because out of my care for them I want to be able to trust them, but whats the point when you know them well enough to know they will let you down? How do you discriminate when drawing the line with trust? And yet on here there is a different etiquette, with netiquette I can ask for anyone to be there for me in a virtual sense and they will be, because I can never see the bits where they dont think about me. How surreal, and yet how reassuring. I came to realise that the reason people get caught up in sadness and cant see past the problems living incurs is because they blur the line between themselves and everyone else. It is so easy to see the people around you as an extension of your world, and through transference to bestow upon them the same virtues and vices you expect in yourself, and the same expectations and the same standards. And its not fair really but its so hard to remember to be separate. I mean surely thats part of wanting to belong, to blur the boundaries. But it only leads to disillusionment and by becoming separate it is easier to become objective, and when you are objective you can solve the puzzles!
Im not sure what Im trying to write. I thought it might be nice to try giving some feedback on what Ive been thinking about in case its useful to other people, but I dont know how to put it. I have been getting down about how I am good at listening to other people but other people have no time for me. They honestly truly believe they do but it is self-delusion 78% of the timeso I have been trying to assess why this is, and came to the conclusion that it is through a lack of objectivity, partly out of self-consciousness and partly out of laziness. So maybe I can say from this understanding, when people seem like they dont care its not out of lack of care, because usually the intentions are pure, it is more out of a lack of ability to follow-through, due to undermining the value of their own actions and due to a necessary focus on their own life. It is natural to make the world around you an extension of your own life because after all, in some ways the world really does revolve around you. Only you can see out of those eyes to read this in the tone you bestow on me, even now you are exercising your will on my reality. Because its the only possible alternative, short of you calling me and asking me to read it.
The viewpoint always changes from person to person and while this doesnt help much I guess it helps to remember that not everybody sees from my angle, in a physical and mental sense, because it means I cant impose my expectations of my behaviour on those around me.
On a lighter note, I have become a belated fanatic of Hot Hot Heat and the exquisite Bandages. What a track!
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