nocturnus

Damn.

I bought a pack of those fancy flavored Camels the other day; you know, the ones that come in a little plastic case? These are the "Dark Mint" flavor. Two nights in a row, after smoking one of these things, I feel like...exstatic. I feel as if I am full of pent up energy, trying to just burst free.

At the same time, I feel unreasonably depressed. All the things that I generally lock away are coming to the surface and I just want to cry, or die, or both. I think the only think keeipng me from breaking down altogether is the knowledge, albeit a theory on my part, that it is just the cigarettes causing it, and that I do not really feel this shitty.

There is something in these fucking cigarettes, I swear. Normal ones do not have any effect even remotely similar to this, at least on me. I do not like it. The energy would be alright, perhaps, but overall it is an uncomfortable feeling. I do not like things that fuck with my system in this way, and make me feel and think things that I would not, were it not for their influence.

I think I will get my guitar out and try to put this energy to good use. I feel creative, which again may be a by-product of the cigarettes, so I might as well put it to good use.

Even if the cigarettes make me feel creative, that still is not a plus enough to make me enjoy what they are doing to me.

Did I mention this has happened on two nights in a row? Yeah, I am pretty sure it is the cigarettes.

-------
My days off are today (mon) and tomorrow (tues), so I will not be updating for a day or two.

I hope everyone is doing well...I am happy to have a few new friends to talk to. Overall, rejoining SG has had a positive effect on me.

Overall...

Carpe Noctem