Okay, it's been a while, so here's an update. I just got back from watching Constantine. I liked it. I've never really followed the Hellblazer comics, so I don't know how true to form the movie is, but it's an entertaining story nonetheless On a completely different note, I had a really strange dream last night. I dreamt that my dad had died. I don't know what it was from, but I remember the fucking feeling of it all as it hit me that I will never, ever see him again. Now my dad and I fight on a daily basis. I work for him, so that shit just happens. Ever seen that show American Chopper? We fight the same way. But I still love him, he's my dad, and even though it's a very rare occasion that we see eye to eye on anything, he's a damn good man and I respect him a lot. And the one thing that I kept thinking while I was dreaming was that I wasn't done with him yet. I wasn't ready to let him go. Not like that. Not forever. I don't know if any of you have lost a parent for real, and if you have I am so sorry, but that was one of the saddest, most helpless feelings I have ever experienced. Ever since I was young I've had the ability to take a step back when my dreams get a little strange or when something bad happens and I can look around and realize that it isn't real. Without waking up. Then I can go back in and manipulate things the way I want. It's called lucid dreaming. You're consciously making decisions and altering your subconscious world. But this time I couldn't do it. It was so real and that's what scared me. When I couldn't control it, and for a minute I thought it was the real thing. Then I remember the funeral was wrong. They were going to bury him in a casket and I knew that he wanted to be cremated. He's told me this in real life, and so I had to try and pull myself together enough to switch everything around and get things back on track. But what still scares me is that I know that that is only a glimps at what one day will be a reality. I'm not afraid to die myself, death doesn't scare me that way, but I'm afraid of having someone close to me die. Abandonment issues perhaps? I don't know, but it's a fucking awful feeling Okay, enough of this shit. Time to move on. Sorry for that, I just needed to get that out. Oh, on Wednesday night I got to check something off of my "Things To Do Before I Die" list. I drank absynthe. Or "Toxic Licorice" as my nephew likes to call it. That's some fucking harsh shit, but it's cool. Makes your whole fucking mouth burn and numb at the same time So yeah, that was fun. Anyways, that's about all I have to say for now. I'll try to get to all of your journals tomarrow. I've had a long day and I'm fucking tired. Goodnight......
VIEW 16 of 16 COMMENTS
I saw Constantine last night. I -hated- it. I -hate- Keanu Reeves. He has about as much character as a block of wood with a face drawn on it in dry-erase marker. The scene where he does some kung fu stance and looks really, really pissed? I've seen high school kids do better angry faces... I just burst out laughing, probably to the annoyance of everyone around me, but fuck em, Keanu can't act, and I don't know HOW he gets work. It truly baffles me. The movie was interesting on its own, as a concept... and I did enjoy the scene where he's holding Rachel Weitz in the tub, somehow it was erotic, but maybe I'm just fucked up... in any case, yes, let's kill Keanu.
I went through a period in high school where I lucid dreamed constantly. I would try to control my dreams and always end up fucking them up somehow. Once I started lucid dreaming while horny, and I tried to make myself a Dream Boy to hump as I slept. I did. It worked for about 15 seconds. Then I looked down and my Dream Boy had evolved into a log of wood with my father's face. I don't know. I don't know.
-xip