Thursday Jun 17, 2004

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Edit: In order to prevent anyone else from freaking out at me...NO, I am not suicidal...never was, never will be. Things are just a little rough at the moment, but I've weathered the storm before and I'll do it again.

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Have you ever wished you were dead? I don't mean suicide...that's for fucking cowards. I'd never be so chicken shit as to kill myself. I refuse to give up and admit failure like that.

No, I'm talking about feeling too tired to even bother trying anymore; feeling like nothing will ever change and that its not even worth going through the motions. That's the state I'm in right now.

I've had it with the constant struggle. I'm tired of fighting an uphill battle that I always seem to lose. The whole fucking thing has really worn me down. I don't even care anymore.

I have too much pride, so I'll keep fighting until my last breath, but these days I have to admit that there are days where I wish I could just go to sleep and never wake up again.

blackeyed

Regardless, I will continue to get up every morning, give the day my best go and somehow hope against hope that it won't be like every other day that has gone before.

Try as I might, I don't seem to be able to push myself into complete and total pessimism. I guess there really is a light that never goes out.
VIEW 13 of 13 COMMENTS
iamsynn:
i have some pics from SGB in my profile check em out
binkymcqueen:
The true materials, those of the past, are said to be found nom only on the Moon, unexploited and lying there in a mess, and they say that for this reason alone it would be worthwhile going there: to recover them. I don't like to seem the sort who always says disagreeable things, but we all know what state the Moon is in, exposed to cosmic storms, full of holes, corroded, worn. If we go there, we'll only have the disappointment of learning that even our material of the old days-the great reason and proof of terrestrial superiority-was inferior goods, not made to last, which can no longer be used even as. There was a time when I would have been careful not to show suspicions of this sort to Sibyl. But now, when she's fat, disheveled, lazy, greedily eating cream puffs, what can Sibyl say to me, now?
---Calvino

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