noahzark

So I have officially treated my body so poorly over the past 27 years that I cannot even digest salad.
My dad always told me this shit would catch up to me and even though I did believe him.... I didn't listen.

Yesterday as I was walking around town trying my hardest to digest, veggies I recalled times when I was 16 and we held unofficial Heavy Cream drinking contests. We would sit face to face with a liter of heavy cream and see who would finish first. I finished in about 45 seconds or so and my friend hit about 75% before he vomited all over the inside of the walk in fridge.
That job was the beginning of my glutenous ways. I don't regret it, I had a fucking blast. I was tending bar at 16 and making a shit ton of cash and drank a shit ton of alcohol every day, beef stroganoff and lobster Cantonese, Doner kebab, what the fuck ever I wanted, and I did. That was the beginning of my 2 pack a day habit, drinking every day, and eating everything and anything i wanted every time I fucking felt like it.... and it was rarely a salad.

Well shit is different. Times they are-a-changin'