Sometimes I wish I could just help everyone's problems go away. It's a lofty idea but a very noble one. I don't do enough, I should mentor others teach them what I know when it comes to life and all its hardships, I should spend more time volunteering. These things would help me in my own quest for happiness. I am no stranger to misery, I sometimes allow it to consume me creating a vicious inner dialogue. I may seem happy on the outside, but inside I will retreat to a dark place and put up all my walls to block out help. I don't like doing this but sometimes I just can't help it. I am better now though, I open up and make myself vulnerable to friends, speak with my therapist or perhaps seek religious advice. I love people, in fact my heart really isn't built for hatred, I can be bitter and mean but really any lashing out at others is a result of my own pains and insecurities. I love everyone, I mean you have to be truly evil for me to abandon you and even then I believe there is always hope for one's soul. The only person I have difficulty loving is myself, it's a terrible feeling, I know I have a good heart but my multi personalities take sweet pleasure in tearing myself apart. This is a shame because in not truly loving myself it makes it more difficult to love others, but I do love others. One day I hope to figure it all out (even though I know this will never happen), until then I will try to learn to truly love myself ans to dedicate more of my time and energy helping others who both suffer from what I suffer ans who suffer from other issues. Life is pain, but there is so much beauty out there and I know how simple it is to be blindsided. I will forever be an optimist deep down even during pessimistic phases of life. I have a fire in my heart that may sometimes be a faint flicker, but it will never burn out. It's my hope, just like the hope in Pandora's box, it will be there to fight the ugly, wrong and evil in this world I must always strive to em race it. Sorry to bore any of you all with my thoughts and contemplations, but for those of you who listened thank you.
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