I don't know what to do with myself. My boyfriend, my ex, whatever he is....has not initiated contact with me for about a month. He's told me we're not together, but casually dating only eachother. I know that he is busy and has a very crazy life lately, but I don't understand why he won't even call me just to say, hi, I miss you, I love you. It's breaking my heart. His actions tell me it's over and he no longer wants to be with me. But the way he looks at me and acts when we're (rarely) together tells me he loves me. I don't understand. I know that I deserve better. I want better. But when he was acting as my boyfriend I was "that girl" that I was always jealous of. I want to be her again. I want him back. If he doesn't want me, I wish he'd just say it and be done with it. Then I'd attempt to move on. I know I can, I just don't want to unless I should be.
These weeks have been good for me. I have been trusting him. I have been trying to understand and not be so irrational. These things are extremely hard for me to do normally, but under the circumstances of him not calling me and not trying to see me, makes it nearly impossible.
I'm never completely happy lately. I feel like I'm in limbo. I've been having great moments, but there is always something missing. Then there are the times I see couples and read/see something romantic and I just want to cry. Other times I'm just suddenly so miserable and sad I can't do anything but cry. I want this to stop. I need this to stop. I either want to seriously work on things or for him to tell me to move on, that it's really over. I just want to know how I'm supposed to feel and what I'm supposed to do.
Then I think....What's the point of moving on if we'll only be seeing eachother? No one has ever looked at me the way he does or made me feel the way he does and it really is unfortunate because I wish there was.
There is a song by Deana Carter that just keeps going through my head. It's called Make up your Mind:
I don't understand the things you do
The more you think the more I think you are confused
It shouldn't be so hard to figure out
What you can and cannot live without so why can't you
Make up your mind
I'm going crazy
After all this time
You'd think that maybe
You would realize
That no one else could love you like I do
And I just can't keep waiting here for you
To make up your mind
I don't know what it is that you're searching for
I wonder if you wonder if there's something more out there
And even though I know it'll break my heart
I can't keep going on and on the way things are
It's not fair
Make up your mind
I'm going crazy
After all this time
You'd think that maybe
You would realize
That no one else could love you like I do
And I just can't keep waiting here for you
To make up your mind
I don't wanna have to tell you goodbye
But baby, trust me I will
And I might regret it for the rest of my life
But I can't change the way I feel
Don't you realize that no one else could love you
Like I do, but I just can't keep waiting here for you
To make up your mind
I don't understand the things you do
The more you think the more I think you are confused
Make up your mind
Make up your mind
------
What's a girl to do??
These weeks have been good for me. I have been trusting him. I have been trying to understand and not be so irrational. These things are extremely hard for me to do normally, but under the circumstances of him not calling me and not trying to see me, makes it nearly impossible.
I'm never completely happy lately. I feel like I'm in limbo. I've been having great moments, but there is always something missing. Then there are the times I see couples and read/see something romantic and I just want to cry. Other times I'm just suddenly so miserable and sad I can't do anything but cry. I want this to stop. I need this to stop. I either want to seriously work on things or for him to tell me to move on, that it's really over. I just want to know how I'm supposed to feel and what I'm supposed to do.
Then I think....What's the point of moving on if we'll only be seeing eachother? No one has ever looked at me the way he does or made me feel the way he does and it really is unfortunate because I wish there was.
There is a song by Deana Carter that just keeps going through my head. It's called Make up your Mind:
I don't understand the things you do
The more you think the more I think you are confused
It shouldn't be so hard to figure out
What you can and cannot live without so why can't you
Make up your mind
I'm going crazy
After all this time
You'd think that maybe
You would realize
That no one else could love you like I do
And I just can't keep waiting here for you
To make up your mind
I don't know what it is that you're searching for
I wonder if you wonder if there's something more out there
And even though I know it'll break my heart
I can't keep going on and on the way things are
It's not fair
Make up your mind
I'm going crazy
After all this time
You'd think that maybe
You would realize
That no one else could love you like I do
And I just can't keep waiting here for you
To make up your mind
I don't wanna have to tell you goodbye
But baby, trust me I will
And I might regret it for the rest of my life
But I can't change the way I feel
Don't you realize that no one else could love you
Like I do, but I just can't keep waiting here for you
To make up your mind
I don't understand the things you do
The more you think the more I think you are confused
Make up your mind
Make up your mind
------
What's a girl to do??
VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
nixxicole:
I feel like that's where it's going, but I would just like some closure.
johnnyboi:
I'd have to say close the book on this fella. Sounds to me like he's either stringing you along so that he has someone to fall back on, or he has no clue what he wants. Either way, it sounds like alot more trouble than it's worth.