nisi

there was a time.
there was a time when i was trained to jump through the loop of fire.
jump classically! she said.
jump with all your might. jump higher!
how high mother?
higher!!!

i am the one making believe this is real. believe this is real. i am the one creating this reality. just as you are creating yours. so it must be true. so be it true!

will i ever get off this high horse?

when i finally get home, she will never allow me to return to this country again. she will have so many reasons for me to stay after the funeral. so much to do!

perhaps she will bribe me with her fortune, or coax me with her men. maybe it will be opium. i cannot say. all I know is that I have to be strong.

and be there again with the Rom, they will see how devoted i am. they will see i have remembered the dialect. their songs.

i love that catholic church way up on the hill. the procession will be fantastique! God will be beseeched. i will go to ma famille, to my kumpania. i will be the one to put coins on the eyes of Sofia.