nirbhao

i'm actually scheduled to be here until 8, but once we got the last loan put on the books, this exceptionally busy day came screeching to a halt. plus i'm not supposed to be running/ decisioning any more applications for the night, which is what i would otherwise be doing, sooo..

(sigh)

days like today make it hard to be okay, because everyone is stressed out and cranky and taking it out on everyone else because there's really no other outlet. i had a few moments of cranky when i felt like people were passive-aggressively saying i don't work hard, but_ ha ha_ i got through it. step one, remember that i am not the center of everyone's universe. step two, remember that everyone thinks they are the hardest working person of anyone around them (or at least when overwhelmed). step three, let it go and get back to doing my job. that little process helped a lot a couple of times today.

i'm pretty sure i'm going to hit the hay as soon as i go home. i wanted to take a nap earlier and i couldn't because we were so busy. not that taking naps at work is an exceptionally good thing, but half an hour of rest can be really refreshing.

shifting gears slightly.

so a little bit ago, i decided that how stranded i am doesn't really work. i don't live on a bus line and a taxi ride to pretty much anywhere costs at least $20. the only place i can reasonably bike to is this plaza thing where the theater is. there are some restaurants, too, but it's about a 3 mile ride and i am not in shape enough for that to be a whim kind of thing. i want it to be, though. (sigh) anyway i decided to buy a house, which is something i've wanted for a long time, but between $350 a month in student loan payments and $320 in prescription copays, i couldn't pull it off. well, the living situation is still what it is, and so i decided to look at apartments. Morie is a complete and total goddess and took me to see a place today, but the bitch stood us up! we decided that it was especially rude for the standing up to happen because she knew i had to get a ride and didn't even call or an'thin'. regardless, i decided that was the universe's way of letting me know that i shouldn't be apartment hunting.

maybe dr. k will tell me i can drive again tomorrow.

that's the crazy thing about my appointment tomorrow: i have no clue what's going to happen. usually i go to these appointments and i have a pretty good idea what's going on because i've been prepped excessively. but now we're ruling stuff out, and every time we rule something out, a new possibility pops up. sure, mostly likely i'll get the official narcoleptic diagnosis tomorrow, but even then-- what happens?

bah.

i want something delicious to drink. i drink water all day at work, and it's great because it does a body good and all that, but everything i think of to drink just sounds fabulous and so i think i should be drinking something else. for example, chocolate soy milk (mmmm....) always makes me happy. also, a few times recently i've gotten this awesome red tea that's wonderful hot or cold. i could also have a strongbow. i've had it maybe twice, and it really is very good. i haven't had an american cider that even compares. pineapple juice is fabulous, and so is cream soda. and rock n rye. i bet i can manage one of those tonight, and that would make me a happy girl.

as for house-buying (i'm not sure if that was a tangent or if i completely left the subject and am returning), my plan, if i'm not renting, is to save as much as possible and then try again when i reach a reasonable down payment point. i had a long debate with myself about saving when i got my camera, and in the end, i decided that it was 100% worth it.

tangent for sure: every so often i feel like saying that something feels like, looks like, or sounds like $100, the way jonathan safran foer does in extremely loud and incredibly close, but i get all self-conscious and don't do it because i think people won't know what i'm talking about.