This past week was really hard, and I honestly got pretty down about it. The idea of having of a seizure disorder isn't ideal, but I could understand it. I had medication that was stable, and for two years, it worked. This process of having to figure out why, randomly and for no reason, I leave this world-- it's just exhausting.
On the plus side, if I have narcolepsy, I can drive again!
John and I texted back and forth quite a bit. I don't know whether things are good or bad, but the conversation was civil. I miss my friend. I'm afraid things have soured too much between us for him to see me as anything but hurt or angry.
I have been pretty down this week, and it's often easier to justify the sadness than change it. Earlier this week, though, after my appointment with my neurologist, while I was at work, feeling like hiding in a hole, I answered the phone to one of the F&I managers who always flirts with me, he asked me if I was having as wonderful of a day as he was, and I sucked it up and told him that I was. I felt better. Genuinely.
Work is generally easy, though, when it comes to smiling and saying please and thank you. Everyone's day goes a little bit easier. I also enjoy worshiping the universe through art, appreciating nature, meditation, and exercise. It's when I feel trapped that things begin to change, and I'm still working on being okay with my lack of mobility.
In other news, I'm still doing great with quitting smoking, although it has made my tremor really bad. My mom has taken to calling me a wiggly bunny. I guess a socially awkward shake is a better than lung cancer.
And now, because I need it, some gratitude:
I am grateful for:
Palmer, who is practically like a shadow
My parents, who took me in rent-free after my head asploded
My arts, itching to come out from inside of me
This fucking incredible chord progression (3:03 Dollars & Cents by Radiohead)
Being able to work
Being able to sleep
Having a nice bed to sleep in
My cozy red sheets
This nice cool breeze blowing over me
My full belly
The fact that I have too much food available to me
Being able to get away to amazing places like Mackinac
Having a history with amazing places like Mackinac
My jawsome friends
Knowing that regardless of whether I wake in the morning, my friends know I love them
The oh-so-difficult lesson of humility (I'm still learning)
My short little bit of life
On the plus side, if I have narcolepsy, I can drive again!
John and I texted back and forth quite a bit. I don't know whether things are good or bad, but the conversation was civil. I miss my friend. I'm afraid things have soured too much between us for him to see me as anything but hurt or angry.
I have been pretty down this week, and it's often easier to justify the sadness than change it. Earlier this week, though, after my appointment with my neurologist, while I was at work, feeling like hiding in a hole, I answered the phone to one of the F&I managers who always flirts with me, he asked me if I was having as wonderful of a day as he was, and I sucked it up and told him that I was. I felt better. Genuinely.
Work is generally easy, though, when it comes to smiling and saying please and thank you. Everyone's day goes a little bit easier. I also enjoy worshiping the universe through art, appreciating nature, meditation, and exercise. It's when I feel trapped that things begin to change, and I'm still working on being okay with my lack of mobility.
In other news, I'm still doing great with quitting smoking, although it has made my tremor really bad. My mom has taken to calling me a wiggly bunny. I guess a socially awkward shake is a better than lung cancer.
And now, because I need it, some gratitude:
I am grateful for:
Palmer, who is practically like a shadow
My parents, who took me in rent-free after my head asploded
My arts, itching to come out from inside of me
This fucking incredible chord progression (3:03 Dollars & Cents by Radiohead)
Being able to work
Being able to sleep
Having a nice bed to sleep in
My cozy red sheets
This nice cool breeze blowing over me
My full belly
The fact that I have too much food available to me
Being able to get away to amazing places like Mackinac
Having a history with amazing places like Mackinac
My jawsome friends
Knowing that regardless of whether I wake in the morning, my friends know I love them
The oh-so-difficult lesson of humility (I'm still learning)
My short little bit of life
VIEW 5 of 5 COMMENTS
you're always so sweet!
If i were to buy you a sweet treat i think I'd hunt for the most luscious chocolate afghan with a big walnut ontop and lovely icing - I'd probably demand that you snap it in half and share it with me tho!
Failing that a selection of natural jelly beans with as many watermelon flavoured ones as i can find!
meanwhile --- the house is good!!! --- kinda old from the outside - basically it's a beach-house that has been expanded into a larger living house. It's gonna take a bit of work from myself over time but I'm so excited about the prospect of that! -- roll on handy-man-guy! (I feel an SB set coming on based around that theme! --- me and a tool belt!)
mwah
x
P.S - I love the fact that your belly is full! --- tis one of life's most basic but pleasurable things! --- go on, rub it and sigh contently!
and you certainly do!