yeah, yeah, yeah
two posts in one day, get over it
so [EDIT] Ex and I broke up, what, three-- four?-- months ago?
yes, we continued to be friends. rather, we continued to be lovers who weren't physically intimate. I held out hope that he would get sober and we could reconnect. I was entirely up-front about this, and, in my opinion, I was a pretty good friend. I never made moves on him or pressured him (well, once I told him that I wanted to kiss him and he said that we weren't together like that and I asked him if he was sure...). I was kind of bitchy about going over to his place and checking on him if he didn't answer his phone, and he got kind of mad at me about that, so I stopped, but I felt pretty justified in doing that, so it was hard to rebuild trust there.
anyway, I'm babbling. my point is that I tried very hard to be a good friend.
but I feel pretty stupid for feeling like I'm going through a breakup right now. I don't entirely. I did a ton of greiving when I actually broke up with him (see? this is why it's better for me to be dumped). I did the crying and needing to dye my hair type stuff all back then.
now I'm doing the rebound stuff.
well, here's the stupid part:
I dropped sixty of my hard earned dollars on eharmony. they have a pretty tv commercial, and so I filled out a free profile. then, I was freaked out when one of my guys turned me down because I didn't respond to him. I couldn't respond if I didn't subscribe to the site!
so right now I'm going through this whole
this site is so fucking heterosexist
and abelist (or at least entirely ignores disability, which is awkward, because I don't like having to address it when someone asks if I'm usually on time... no, I struggle with punctuality because of disorganized thinking due to the catastrophic stroke I suffered just about two years ago).
yep. atttractive.
goddammit, [EDIT] Ex, I held your hand through so much, would it really have been so hard to talk me through fucking chest pains?
thing
and I feel as unlovable as ever
but the reality is that it wasn't about chest pains
and I know that
one of his friends called me today. did the what's up/ how are you? routine. I said I was just fine but pretty busy with work... total insanity.
(edited to removed his name)
two posts in one day, get over it
so [EDIT] Ex and I broke up, what, three-- four?-- months ago?
yes, we continued to be friends. rather, we continued to be lovers who weren't physically intimate. I held out hope that he would get sober and we could reconnect. I was entirely up-front about this, and, in my opinion, I was a pretty good friend. I never made moves on him or pressured him (well, once I told him that I wanted to kiss him and he said that we weren't together like that and I asked him if he was sure...). I was kind of bitchy about going over to his place and checking on him if he didn't answer his phone, and he got kind of mad at me about that, so I stopped, but I felt pretty justified in doing that, so it was hard to rebuild trust there.
anyway, I'm babbling. my point is that I tried very hard to be a good friend.
but I feel pretty stupid for feeling like I'm going through a breakup right now. I don't entirely. I did a ton of greiving when I actually broke up with him (see? this is why it's better for me to be dumped). I did the crying and needing to dye my hair type stuff all back then.
now I'm doing the rebound stuff.
well, here's the stupid part:
I dropped sixty of my hard earned dollars on eharmony. they have a pretty tv commercial, and so I filled out a free profile. then, I was freaked out when one of my guys turned me down because I didn't respond to him. I couldn't respond if I didn't subscribe to the site!
so right now I'm going through this whole
this site is so fucking heterosexist
and abelist (or at least entirely ignores disability, which is awkward, because I don't like having to address it when someone asks if I'm usually on time... no, I struggle with punctuality because of disorganized thinking due to the catastrophic stroke I suffered just about two years ago).
yep. atttractive.
goddammit, [EDIT] Ex, I held your hand through so much, would it really have been so hard to talk me through fucking chest pains?
thing
and I feel as unlovable as ever
but the reality is that it wasn't about chest pains
and I know that
one of his friends called me today. did the what's up/ how are you? routine. I said I was just fine but pretty busy with work... total insanity.
(edited to removed his name)
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Unfortunately it seems like rain today which means - bad for biking. Call me anyway if you just want to hang out.