nirbhao

good news:
my insurance company is going to cover at least some of my rehab. the moral of the story: if someone is a jackass, verally punching them in the face can work to get you your way sometimes some of the way.

I finally gave in and went to a debt counseling service. this is a non-profit organization that offers a number of products, and I had a really good experience. money has been a huge stress to me, not because I don't have enough, but because I am just not fucking organized enough to get my bills paid on time and that causes a lot of problems. it was really fucking frustrating when I kept bouncing checks because stuff would go through a day early or when I would get late fees because I forgot about a bill or I would mess up my account because I would pay a bill twice and not realize it. I tried a lot of different things and nothing really helped, and after my debit card was stolen I realized I couldn't do it anymore. whew. so this organization takes a big chunk of my paycheck (most of it, really) every other week and they pay all my bills. I pay a $50 a month fee to them, but considering that in September I paid almost $400 in NSF fees, I'm really okay with that. I consider it an accomodation to my disability and I'm really, really happy that I've finally got a good solution.

I went to the hospital to visit a friend of mine today. she recently had a golf-ball sized tumor removed from her pituitary gland. during the surgery, she coughed and I guess there was some bleeding and they had to worry more about stopping the bleeding than getting the tumor out. they put her in a rug induced coma for a week and she's just now coming to. her mom and sister-in-law were there and of course they were both talking about her as if she wasn't there. I don't blame her for being furious. I gave her a cigarette and she wanted to light it up right there in her room. I told her she can smell it and put it in her mouth, but she can't light it in her room with all the oxygen and everything. her mom took it away from her, which I thought was a pretty bitchy thing to do to a woman who can only move one arm, but I gave it back to her. the nurse didn't protest she just playfully teased her about being naughty.

and finally my dad said three words that pissed me off more than I thought possible earlier today. my parents had some family over to watch football and of course they had all kinds of food out. John came over to pick me up for us to do our own thing, and I invited him in. when my dad asked what was going on (keep in mind this is my boyfriend of some five or six months now), he interrupted me saying, "...and I told him he should come in," to say, "no, he shouldn't."

I don't think he understands that he's not hurting John with that bullshit. John doesn't expect any kindnesses from my parents. the only thing John has experienced from my parents is absolute cruelty. he's hurting me. he's isolating me. he is disrespecting my judgment and value. all over an instance when everyone was drunk and everyone was stupid and everyone was wrong.

I really don't like being angry. I'm doing well about being angry a lot less, except when I'm around my parents. they incite my temper quite quickly. it's not good. especially because I know they talk about me when I'm not there to defend myself.