nirbhao

yesterday, I had a very bad, no good, terrible, awful day. it felt like everyone in the world was angry with me. EVERYONE.

and it didn't help that I honestly deserved some of it. I was either three or four hours late to work, depending on how you look at it, and although not all of the reason was my fault, the majority of it was.

I also feel like my brain is rotting in my head. I remember less and less. my long-term memory is disappearing rapidly. not only can I hardly recall a single greek, latin, or farsi word (three languages I used to be fluent in), but I'm even struggling with the alphabets. I appreciate that you lose what you don't use, but I only graduated about two years ago. fluency reduced to nothing.

so I relaxed last night and I worked this morning. I'm currently baking a cake for a bbq tomorrow. well, technically, one big cake and a bunch of little cakes. I'm deathly allergic to tree nuts, but I want to experiment with walnuts in this cake, so I doubled the batch and made little cakes with walnuts on top (and agave nectar). the cakes are vegan, of course. the best carrot cake ever.


OH NOES!!!!!!


much better.

(they smell really good)

so, on the completely opposite side of this directionless coin, it occured to me that it very well may be a good idea to apply (and go to) the school of art and design here in town. I was 15 credits away from getting my BFA, but I think I would start over from the beginning. not because I want to incur that ddebt all over, but because there are skills I need to relearn. I'm pretty okay on the actual art and practice, but when it comes to real-world application I am screwed. that would also be the benefit of having a BFA.

it would actually require someone somewhere to take me seriously.

I know art doesn't pay the rent, but, hey, what I'm doing now doesn't either and I hate it. I may as well be doing something I love and be poor.

oh, another thing: buy me these tarot cards. just. please. I will never in my life have enough money for them and I want them.

I have wanted them for years now.

one of my coworkers is learning tarot and I asked to use her deck for a single card reading for myself and I got "de monde" inverted. heh. we both had a good laugh about that.

edit
I'm looking for a new creative force behind my livejournal community, xxfridayfive. if you think you can come up with five clever "adult" questions a week and post them at about midnight on fridays (like I haven't been, which is why I need a new mod), get a livejournal account and help me out.