nirbhao

how I got into this incestous industry:
back in highschool, I started working at a collection agency stuffing envelopes. being the ambitious little person that I was, I was quickly promoted to teller and then to collector. I was trained on how to update credit reports, how to print electronic checks, and how to skip trace. I worked there from the time I was a sophomore in highschool until I went to college. after I dropped out of law school, I went back to the same company for several months. unfortunately, that company had gone to shit. they didn't follow the fair debt collection act and seemed to have an institutional policy of harassment. they bullied their customers. I left in disgust in January of this year and I started working for a credit card company.

well, the health insurance I had didn't cover "mental health." that meant that my therapy wasn't covered and my psychotropic medication wasn't covered. I thought it would be okay to stop my antidepressants AND therapy cold turkey. I was wrong. after losing my job, my boyfriend, and going broke, I wallowed in self pity for a bit and just recently returned to this company, which now has a new manager, but a lot of the bad practices are still in place. I've been back for about three weeks, and just today I got a desk. I don't think they expect me to stay. I don't want to stay. the problem is that I'm very good at what I do, and, except for driving, it's almost the entirety of my work history. AND I can't drive because when I drive for too long, I have seizures.

I would much prefer to be a credit counselor. I could help people, then. instead, pretty much every day, a vehicle is repossesed because of me.

my brother and sister and I played a drinking game tonight. then, my brother and I smoked a few cigarettes and he gave me a drunken rant about his theories on smoking and quitting smoking. I was shocked when my brother asked me for a cigarette, and then he told me that he shouldn't be smoking at all because he quit. oops! I always feel like the black sheep of the family, the boomerang who can't do anything right. neither of my siblings really acknowledge disabilities, and that's really frustrating to me. both of them teased me when I told them that I couldn't stay up too late tonight because I have rehab tomorrow. they just don't take it seriously. the worst part is that they are both going into mental health-- even my mom is in mental health!

I'm rambling.

anyway, I've got these overachieving siblings who do everything right and have never experienced setbacks of any kind, who don't understand what it's like to have something difficult in life-- and they're both going into social service work. and when they cut lose, they are still uptight. my sister didn't want to play the drinking game anymore when my brother bummed a cigarette, and then he went on and on about how he doesn't approve of smoking and how I should quit.

I told him that I like smoking and that none of my meds help like cigarettes help and he said, "don't smoke when you're sober. when you get up in the morning, don't have a cigarette." I don't know. I wish we could talk about something else.

no news on the cat scan. still hurting. I have my eval for cognitive rehab or "speech therapy" tomorrow.

I was social tonight. I had dinner with a nice person and it was fun.

.

Sharkey is cleaned out and ready for donation to Mel Trotter. I have started driving my brother's car. I will probably be purchasing/ bartering this car from him. it is a very nice car, similar to Sharkey only bigger and fancier and less leaky. and it felt like the heater was on when the fan was off. that wasn't so cool. I will refreon it soon, and that should help.