nina_kova

I have been updating alot lately...Onto my recent life decisions....I am definitely moving to Providence. It's a great city and has alot to offer in terms of work for me and things for the small human to do...My grand-mum was an amazing woman. She always told me the gypsies left me on the doorstep (we are eastern european - this was actually a bad thing!) but - bad or not - she was right...

When I moved to Gloucester, I was in a horrible relationship, had crazy landlords and was flat fucking broke. I wasn't doing anything for myself or my son and really was on the verge of a complete and total nervous breakdown. Part of the move was what my mum considers "geographical" - meaning I moved hoping to change everything in my life and I only ended up bringing me and the issues with me. So it took two years to let go of the relationship - which I did...two years to start cleaning up my credit (there truly is such a thing as a permanent record) and two years to move up professionally at work and to go back to school. It took the whole four years to get my son stable, meaning on a regular schedule with a regular school, regular friends, naval cadets and swimming. It took about two years of good therapy and two years of being clean and sober (after 14 years of sobriety and a relapse) and now - it's time to move on.

I feel so good about this decision - one of the things I have been focused on in my life is looking at choices and taking risks. This is a choice and a risk and I know that - but if I don't take risks, I don't know what I'm cpabale of accomplishing and I don't get anywhere. I have been living in a city where I don't exactly fit - I spend most of my time at Joe the BSBT's house or he spends weekends here with me and I finally realized - I am actually in a committed relationship with someone that I want to see more. So - yes - he does factor into this decision. But - so much more factors in...Cheaper rents, an opportunity to get my degree at an Ivy League school (yup - shameless about the label on the degree - it matters)...more school decisions for my small human. He will be able to attend one of the better public exam schools in the country for high school - without my having to move back into Boston so he can go to Latin Academy. If he doesn't get in to the exam school, there are several good charter schools that he may be able to attend. He swims competitively and all of the high schools have swimming as a sport - which is important for him as far as college opportunities go. He will also be able to switch into the swimteam program that swims out of Brown - and he has competed against them, so I am familiar with the program and know it is one of the better in the region. He will still continue in Naval Cadets - but that will be up here in Gloucester. He can spend every other weekend with my mum and step dad - which keeps his connection to them as well as the friends he has in the area.

As far as I go - it's time to move on. I feel as though what I have gotten what I've needed from being here - stability and a sense of myself. This time, I am not moving problems with me - I'm moving towards things that are better for myself and my small human. I am leaving work 16 March. The planned moving date is 1 May or 1 June. I know it seems like a risk to leave but I am going to pick up a mindless shite type job to keep busy and this also gives me time to help out my mum and sister while she finishes her chemo....So - all in all - it's a good decision for me and my family...

I actually feel excited about all of this now - looking for a place is kind of fun....I have also decided one thing - this time...I am getting a new couch...I know it seems strange, but everything I own has been donated to me or bought at goodwill...Some of the things are actually quite cool and I love - but I really want a new couch that no one else has owned before me....It seems strange - but I feel like it's my initiation into the grown up world...So - that is my one "have to have"...And you know what - I'm really fucking excited about it!!!