i think there are times in life when one thing happens and just alot of shite is there to follow...my lovely canadian is no more...i hate limbo, i hate indecision, and while it may take me awhile to make damn decisions....i finally just asked him to stop contacting me altogether....big decision for me as he is amazinlgy wonderful....but good decision for me as i truly adore him - there's no real possibility of doing any sort of relationship except by long distance and i don't want that...ick - i feel sad....it has been such an incredibly fun sort of thing to have in my life - but it's not something that i could give up where i'm at for - nor is it something he should give up what he's at for....he is the kind of person that i would eventually need to make that decision for (and about) and i already know my decision in my gut...so, rather than drag this out to the inevitable comclusion - i decided to just deal with it now....i think that makes sense....so, this feels like a useless, whiney sort of email and i have an overwhileming desire to sit at home and cry..... 
but, midterm today and a paper is due and my son is sick) i really, really wish it would stop raining......
tomorrow is dinner with pbb - and my decision didn't have anything to do with him or seeing him...just had to do with what works for me...i don't know if i'm feeling as though i have suddenly joined the world of the adult by looking at choices, looking at what i want and need and then deciding from there...if this is a mature decision making process - it sucks as i really want to be a five-year old and cry and have my mum make me tea....
delilah
there's no end to the love you can give
when you change your point of view to underfoot
very good
you may be flat but you're breathing
and there's no doubt he's at home in his room
probably watching porn of you from the fall
it's last call
and you're the last one leaving
and you thought you could change the world
by opening your legs
well it isn't very hard
try kicking them instead
and you thought you could change his mind
by changing your perfume to the kind his mother wore
o god delilah why?
i never met a more impossible girl....
in this same bar where you slammed down your hand
and said Amanda, i'm in love
no you're not
you're just a sucker for the ones who use you
and it doesn't matter what i say or do
the stupid bastard's gonna have his way with you...
you're an unrescuable schizo
or else you're on the rag
if you take him back
i'm gonna lose my nerve
i never met a more impossible girl....
i never met a more impossible girl....
at four o'clock he got off
and you called up
i'm down at denny's on route one
and you won't guess what he's done
is that a fact delilah?
larry tap let you in through the back
and use his calling card again
for a quick hand of gin
you are impossible, delilah: the princess of denial
and after 7 years in advertising you are none the wiser
you're an unrescuable schizo
or else you're on the rag
cause if you take him back
i'm gonna lose my nerve
he's gonna beat you like a pillow
you schizos never learn
and if you take him home
you'll get what you deserve
so don't cry delilah
you're still alive delilah
you need a ride delilah?
let's see how fast this thing can go.....
amanda palmer
but, midterm today and a paper is due and my son is sick) i really, really wish it would stop raining......
tomorrow is dinner with pbb - and my decision didn't have anything to do with him or seeing him...just had to do with what works for me...i don't know if i'm feeling as though i have suddenly joined the world of the adult by looking at choices, looking at what i want and need and then deciding from there...if this is a mature decision making process - it sucks as i really want to be a five-year old and cry and have my mum make me tea....
delilah
there's no end to the love you can give
when you change your point of view to underfoot
very good
you may be flat but you're breathing
and there's no doubt he's at home in his room
probably watching porn of you from the fall
it's last call
and you're the last one leaving
and you thought you could change the world
by opening your legs
well it isn't very hard
try kicking them instead
and you thought you could change his mind
by changing your perfume to the kind his mother wore
o god delilah why?
i never met a more impossible girl....
in this same bar where you slammed down your hand
and said Amanda, i'm in love
no you're not
you're just a sucker for the ones who use you
and it doesn't matter what i say or do
the stupid bastard's gonna have his way with you...
you're an unrescuable schizo
or else you're on the rag
if you take him back
i'm gonna lose my nerve
i never met a more impossible girl....
i never met a more impossible girl....
at four o'clock he got off
and you called up
i'm down at denny's on route one
and you won't guess what he's done
is that a fact delilah?
larry tap let you in through the back
and use his calling card again
for a quick hand of gin
you are impossible, delilah: the princess of denial
and after 7 years in advertising you are none the wiser
you're an unrescuable schizo
or else you're on the rag
cause if you take him back
i'm gonna lose my nerve
he's gonna beat you like a pillow
you schizos never learn
and if you take him home
you'll get what you deserve
so don't cry delilah
you're still alive delilah
you need a ride delilah?
let's see how fast this thing can go.....
amanda palmer
VIEW 11 of 11 COMMENTS
Now I'm also inspired to do more Bowie (I've done Ziggy solo acoustic (or with harmonical players) and electric with bands since the 80s and have done Space Oddity->Ashes to Ashes and Rebel Rebel and some others with bands, but am trying to work out solo arrangements for Cracked Actor (proving difficult) and Golden Years (I've played Young Americans that way maybe twice with completely opposite reactions).
But I've been neglectful of him lately
And it gives me a new reason to paint my face onstage.
And I must need sleep pretty badly as I apparently told a childless friend I hope his son feels better
[Edited on Jun 08, 2006 11:36PM]
Hope your son's doing OK
Well, its a shame to lose contact with Canadian guy, but its good to be honest.
I hope you told him why though, rather than just told him not to contact you.
Men can be much more sensitive than their egos allow them to appear, and he'll hang on to it and let it crush him for years if you don't tell him the reasons why and let him make his own decision, as in the end, whether you want him or not, you can't make the decision for him over what he wants- an explanation would let him know where he stands.
Sorry, you've probably explained but speaking as somebody who's hung on for years and not been able to move on because of lack of a simple explanation, I think I speak for the male population saying he deserves to know.
BUT, there's no need to worry because you're having fun with PBB (I hope) and wherever that goes, you've got something you're enjoying so carry on enjoying it, that's the main thing!