im going to apologias before hand about what im about to write im very horrible depressed and i need just to vent.
today has ben so horrible i cant even make myself do the 2 papers that are do today. it started of by finding out one of my favorite friends on sg has cut me from her friends list and maybe its stupid to get upset over that but this makes the 3rd one and to me all the people on my list are just as much my friends as people i go to school with. this hole event got me thanking i don't really have any try friends hear, no one to do any thing with. dont get me wrong i know every one on campus and every one knows me but that is where it ends. i talk to them on campus and when i go home i go home alone im use to doing things by my self.
im so fucking tired of being nice to everyone i talk to every one, i say hi to every one. i have all-ways sat and listened to others problems and never forest my bad feelings on anyone, because i had to be the strong one. i try to get my friends together with girls i liked. i picket my friends up and take them to get food. i take them on trips with me and listen to them complain the hole way. and no one appreciates any of it. iv gone out of my way to help anyone, whether it be someone iv known for years, or someone i gust met, and still i get disrespected. i dont wont to be nice anymore, i wont to be the meanest sun of a bitch to every live, i wont to give people a reason to hate me. i would much rather be hated for being a bastard than to be hated for being nice. if i have to be alone than i wont to be alone because i told them to go fuck off instead of trying to help them with there problems. iv been trying all day to get back in a happy state, iv been trying saying over and over again saying happy sayings but it wont work. im slipping in to a state of depression and i cant stop myself. but no mater how bad i fell i will never let on, or i will try not to, i will try to smile and try to fake happy, i dont know why i care i need to be more selfish. maybe i would be better of as a hermit just siting and doing my art the only problem with that is im way to social i love the company of people. i wish i was religious so i could say its god testing me but im not so i guess its all my fault. i must just make people wont to be around me for a short time. im still trying to fake happiness. im sorry to all you who iv made mad pleas dont take me off your list just tell me what im doing wrong and ill try to change i no that sounds pitiful but right now i cant help it. i thank wright now i need to go and drink as much as possible after class that is. i hope all my friends can for give my bitching.
today has ben so horrible i cant even make myself do the 2 papers that are do today. it started of by finding out one of my favorite friends on sg has cut me from her friends list and maybe its stupid to get upset over that but this makes the 3rd one and to me all the people on my list are just as much my friends as people i go to school with. this hole event got me thanking i don't really have any try friends hear, no one to do any thing with. dont get me wrong i know every one on campus and every one knows me but that is where it ends. i talk to them on campus and when i go home i go home alone im use to doing things by my self.
im so fucking tired of being nice to everyone i talk to every one, i say hi to every one. i have all-ways sat and listened to others problems and never forest my bad feelings on anyone, because i had to be the strong one. i try to get my friends together with girls i liked. i picket my friends up and take them to get food. i take them on trips with me and listen to them complain the hole way. and no one appreciates any of it. iv gone out of my way to help anyone, whether it be someone iv known for years, or someone i gust met, and still i get disrespected. i dont wont to be nice anymore, i wont to be the meanest sun of a bitch to every live, i wont to give people a reason to hate me. i would much rather be hated for being a bastard than to be hated for being nice. if i have to be alone than i wont to be alone because i told them to go fuck off instead of trying to help them with there problems. iv been trying all day to get back in a happy state, iv been trying saying over and over again saying happy sayings but it wont work. im slipping in to a state of depression and i cant stop myself. but no mater how bad i fell i will never let on, or i will try not to, i will try to smile and try to fake happy, i dont know why i care i need to be more selfish. maybe i would be better of as a hermit just siting and doing my art the only problem with that is im way to social i love the company of people. i wish i was religious so i could say its god testing me but im not so i guess its all my fault. i must just make people wont to be around me for a short time. im still trying to fake happiness. im sorry to all you who iv made mad pleas dont take me off your list just tell me what im doing wrong and ill try to change i no that sounds pitiful but right now i cant help it. i thank wright now i need to go and drink as much as possible after class that is. i hope all my friends can for give my bitching.
VIEW 24 of 24 COMMENTS
jill:
vanden:
Everyone needs to bitch every once in a while... I hope your week gets better...