nihly

i am going to alex's today for the weekend because i talked to him on the phone and i miss him lots. and i am getting nothing accomplished here, holed up in my house feeling like i have no friends and getting no work done anyways.

i think i need my meds changed because i tried all of the behavioural stuff i am supposed to adjust, and then i read through my book on the symptoms of depression and even when i am "pulling out of it" i remain in a depressed state.

so i give up on that. i will bring my research stuff for my paper to T.O. with me and alex said maybe he could help. really i can rattle it all off for you outloud, the info and paragraphs i want to write, i just cannot put everything together and write it. it's is weird and very frustrating.

alex thinks i will be fine. which i will if i can get this sorted, cuz he says i have always kicked some school ass and i did and still do but whatever is happening with me chemically i really getting in the way of the real me.

it is frustration beyond belief. but if the law of attraction does really work, then it is working for me because the teacher i needed to talk to called yesterday about some course that i don't need to take, i already passed but i had expressed an interest in doing some other stuff in it again. so she wanted to know what to sign me up for. i got a chance to say that i am not doing so great and she has given me indefinite extensions she said she could go into the summer even if i needed. which i don't but that takes alot of stress off me for not coping and performing properly at the moment. and no, i don't want the extra course!

of course i still worry about next year but lots of people have faith in me, so i should just have faith in myself and see how things go. hopefully, i will just have a good and semi productive weekend.

ta!

NIHLY

and i am thinking of perhaps stripping for a little while to make some more money for my education but as i am living at home i need to do it around my parents, which poses a problem. i don't know if i could do it now, and now being as in the summer. i would want it to be a top end place. there's a place near the airport called the landing strip which has top girls and high paying business men, so it would be good to go there. i could stay in the summer with a chick from when i was in uni who is still in rexdale, or alex, weekends. if my summer job is a days only no weekends, that is. i am not super confident about it, but i think i could do it and it would be alright. i think i have a good enough body. just on weekends... maybe not this summer but when finances get tight and perhaps i am no longer living at home. i am considering it anyways...