nihly

once again, rob's mouth has done a lot of damage and i'm very upset at him.

since this is a really big week for me, i just want to back off with him.

thursday i am going to my first funeral (not for my relations, but a family friend's)

and then the same night to therapy with my parents to get closure on my assault and tell them what happened.

what did rob do that was so bad?

he invited me on friday night to his eldest sister's engagement party for saturday night. i kept asking what do i wear, where's it going to be? so i would know what to expect and how to dress.

he didn't seem too worried about it, and told me just to put my clothes on, so i did. luckily, i was somewhat dressy, but figuring now that it would be held at her new house and it was just little party, by his non chalant attitude, i was in dark jeans and not my nicest going out jeans either because he just wanted to get going.

well it was a no-jeans, formal occaision held at a prestigious golf and country club with about 60 family members of either side. so i was really embarassed. rob wore light jeans and a dress shirt, and everyone kept making jokes with him when we were being introduced (oh you can tell you're together, didn't you listen?)

so i want to change, because i feel really out of place, disrespectful to his sister, and i'm mad at rob but everytime a person says anything it just gets worse. he said: just get over it. or go home.

so, i asked for his phone and i went out to the hall where i was in tears in the lobby. being socially awkward, this was hard enough as it was. but he said he was coming out and he didn't, his cousin's girlfriend did and then rob's sister, who pep talked me back in where i tried to make the most of the evening but had no one introducing me around anymore, and i didn't really want to be around rob.

at the end of the night, rob was pissed at me because i wasn't having enough fun, and i was upset because i just wanted him to say sorry, please. so he did. he said: i'm sorry... i ever invited you. that really made things better.

no, somehow it all got put on me that i was too sensitive for my own good, he can't take me anywhere, no more social events, maybe he should stop having me around his friends so much? no don't apologize to him, apologize to myself for ruining my night for myself... this is what he YELLED at me in the car on the way home.

how did i patch it up? he was not budging on his position of he has nothing to apologize for and its my fault for overreacting, but the things he said were horrible and the night could have gone totally different if he'd for one, just admitted to his mistake, and two, just said, how can i make you feel more comfortable?

my parents would have driven out with the appropriate clothing, but i didn't have my own phone and the girls talked my into going back in. but now i find out that rob's parents actually planned and paid for this party, and somehow it went unknown to him until the day before... but it's all my fault he has his head up his ass?

i'm not the only one who's pissed or who is tired of some things with him. his parents are having him pay rent now... and i'm backing off. because if he can't make me feel supported and secure in small situations, why should i allow him to in the big ones?

and that's my rant. for now. i'm seeing my girl friend tonight and we'll see what she has to say, but i'm pretty sure i can keep busy enough without him all week. there's a fuckload to do around here.

one very hurt, pissed off

NIHLY