am i getting into trouble? or am i doing what's right for me.
it feels good now but will it tomorrow? that's the question that bothers me.
i never know, because i don't know myself. confusing.
it's a conundrum i'll probably be puzzling out. i'll check it in the morning
maybe then there'll be more clarity. i can't question every little thing i do,
or i'll miss out on just enjoying life and the joy in it's discoveries.
do do do do and my anxiety keeps hanging around like a bad friend who has overstayed their welcome...
later, i'll post you stories.
PS: still smoking, literally and metaphorically. and i don't feel like quitting. sorry guys, sorry
unfortunately, sex is one of my, perhaps negative, coping mechanisims...but it has always worked.
it feels good now but will it tomorrow? that's the question that bothers me.
i never know, because i don't know myself. confusing.
it's a conundrum i'll probably be puzzling out. i'll check it in the morning
maybe then there'll be more clarity. i can't question every little thing i do,
or i'll miss out on just enjoying life and the joy in it's discoveries.
do do do do and my anxiety keeps hanging around like a bad friend who has overstayed their welcome...
later, i'll post you stories.
PS: still smoking, literally and metaphorically. and i don't feel like quitting. sorry guys, sorry
unfortunately, sex is one of my, perhaps negative, coping mechanisims...but it has always worked.
VIEW 6 of 6 COMMENTS
I thought I'd send you that Poem I was talking about sleep deprivation. This is circa 2002 so after re-reading it I would make some different choices now - but as the poem dictates - I am pledged to not change a word.
A THIN CANDY SHELL AND NO NIGHT'S SLEEP
As you drain this dream like a boil I scream and wince in pain
And feel compelled to wish your hell to be my heaven
I'd sigh if you cried but that would be the end
I'd lay my hand on your shoulder but I wouldn't hold you
As much as I care for you when it comes down to the punch
I don't want to be the one who's unconscious on the floor
We all dance 'til we fall over, exhausted
We all dance and we all fall. Exhausted
And I ask myself why we can't learn moderation
I guess it's the excitement that drives us
But as I see this dream with perfect vision I smile
Sleep deprivation can make the clouds subside
In the morning when I look over this verse I know
It will not seem as brilliant as it is now
So I'll let it be what it is and nothing else
And when I see it I will not be the judge
But a witness to a warped truth
And even though the words lose lustre
And even though the thoughts are tangled
I know that the intention of exploration wast there
And that intention gets me through
A ticking clock - a symbol of the continuous
And even when this clock's batteries run dry
There will be others to replace them in an instant
Time will not stop. Time is constant
Thought is constant and at this god forsaken hour
I cannot turn off these harpies screaming in my head
Ideas like demons that will not subside
They keep me from sleep - they keep me from normality
A bustling metropolis
A city with no business hours
It's open season all year long
And the bags under my eyes prove it
They are packed with no-where to go
++++++++++++++++++++++
oh and your dad does look like einstein huh. haha.
look forward to chatting again mondo soon mademoiselle.