Poem? Long. Venting about the things I was thinking about earlier this week that get me down. Perhaps you will see why. Because really I have trouble dealing. Understandably, surely. Title? Um...
Permissionless
So you acted as my friend.
What a good liar
You played it
so well.
Too bad I caught you in the act
Red handed,
in such a shameful way
You were caught,
And your act,
It changed,
it changed my fate.
You stole,
You stole from me.
Something that wasn't yours.
I'm fighting everyday
to gain it back
My pride, my trust, my dignity.
It wasn't yours to take,
Not even something you kept.
Just tossed aside
like waste.
Well it's not waste,
It was a part of a girl,
A girl whose name
I shudder to hear
Emitting from your lips.
Taken were things of such
importance
Which in your wake,
Has left
such a terrible
Absence.
And you stole,
You stole from me
My wings, so I can't fly.
All I want to do
Is to leave this place
But I've been stranded
Because you crumpled limbs,
Which now,
Barely even lift my feet
High enough
Off the ground,
No, not even in my dreams.
And I cry,
I cry for that.
That you took from me
My sense of freedom,
now caged in fears.
You stole, stole my ability,
To get to where
I wanted to be
And instead, in return
I got back four years
Four years
of the most Intensive crippling.
Should I say thanks?
Is this a gift?
I laugh in your face
If you think that it is.
I want you to know,
I just want you to know
All I can think of you now
Is that you are an asshole.
My mind vomits
At remembering
your face.
And the fact that you thought
It your right to place
Your lips
upon my lips.
Yes you stole
You stole a kiss,
Then you ripped
out my tongue
So this girl is left
unable to utter
A word about
That which was done,
The horrid things
Done to her.
I could not comprehend
A way in which to express
Anything anymore.
Not anything,
Anymore.
All you deserve now is hating.
Melts in your mouth
like cotton candy?
How can I hide it nicely in poetry
When really it's just better said:
Fuck you.
You are disgusting.
And never, never again.
Because when I delve
Into myself
See the landscape of scars
Caused by someone else
I'm angry.
Of course, I'm angry.
And this venom
that pumps in my veins,
From looking over
The barren plains
Of what is left of my body
I wish I could spit it
Right back into you.
But I don't think that would be
Enough to satisfy me.
I struggle to fix
what you broke
I struggle to feel again whole.
Maybe you can
Do something for me?
Because I can't help feeling
some owing
From certain past events.
Just a little bit in return
For allowing so much time
to slip by
While you walked around
Free of knowing
Just what it is you did.
And I sit here,
Patiently waiting...
How about you eat
loads of salt
'Til your insides crumble
to dust
Stab forks in your eyes
And your body,
Please thrust
Over some jagged rocks.
Place your hands
On objects
Burning hot.
Smack an iron
across your face
Bleed
all over the place
From massive painful wounds
Until there is
nothing left.
But one huge
gaping hole
Where once
there was a soul
But now,
There's nothingness.
Then maybe
you will feel
Half as much of the hurt
That you caused
And the emptiness
in which I exist.
Staring like a ghost
As my life, it passes.
And this girl,
she sits on the sidelines
Who was kissed,
Yeah she was kissed
By a boy
Who thought himself
entitled
To things, which in actuality,
Were taken
Permissionless.
Yes, there's a girl
Who was stolen from and
Who with all her heart,
She's yearning
to rejoin her life
But everyday,
Everyday
this girl's learning.
Just how to
Hold her own hand
And cope with
Standing alone.
And yes, sometimes
It is frightening.
But she will continue on
fighting
Until these memories
Release
and grow old.
Maybe one day
you'll be told
Just what it was
that you stole
To know how it is
that you left me.
Your actions gutted my being
Left me blinded
and shadowed from seeing
How wonderful I can be.
An empty person,
silently screaming
Disconnected,
constantly careening
From your atrocities.
I shall wrench back
What was stolen
and never earned
I will get it back
And maybe you'll learn
The damage left in your stead.
I'll keep a promise
Made to myself
That one day,
I'll return to good health
And with work,
I will move on
To be the me I was
Prior to the wrongs
Yes,
I shall be me again.
NIHLY
Permissionless
So you acted as my friend.
What a good liar
You played it
so well.
Too bad I caught you in the act
Red handed,
in such a shameful way
You were caught,
And your act,
It changed,
it changed my fate.
You stole,
You stole from me.
Something that wasn't yours.
I'm fighting everyday
to gain it back
My pride, my trust, my dignity.
It wasn't yours to take,
Not even something you kept.
Just tossed aside
like waste.
Well it's not waste,
It was a part of a girl,
A girl whose name
I shudder to hear
Emitting from your lips.
Taken were things of such
importance
Which in your wake,
Has left
such a terrible
Absence.
And you stole,
You stole from me
My wings, so I can't fly.
All I want to do
Is to leave this place
But I've been stranded
Because you crumpled limbs,
Which now,
Barely even lift my feet
High enough
Off the ground,
No, not even in my dreams.
And I cry,
I cry for that.
That you took from me
My sense of freedom,
now caged in fears.
You stole, stole my ability,
To get to where
I wanted to be
And instead, in return
I got back four years
Four years
of the most Intensive crippling.
Should I say thanks?
Is this a gift?
I laugh in your face
If you think that it is.
I want you to know,
I just want you to know
All I can think of you now
Is that you are an asshole.
My mind vomits
At remembering
your face.
And the fact that you thought
It your right to place
Your lips
upon my lips.
Yes you stole
You stole a kiss,
Then you ripped
out my tongue
So this girl is left
unable to utter
A word about
That which was done,
The horrid things
Done to her.
I could not comprehend
A way in which to express
Anything anymore.
Not anything,
Anymore.
All you deserve now is hating.
Melts in your mouth
like cotton candy?
How can I hide it nicely in poetry
When really it's just better said:
Fuck you.
You are disgusting.
And never, never again.
Because when I delve
Into myself
See the landscape of scars
Caused by someone else
I'm angry.
Of course, I'm angry.
And this venom
that pumps in my veins,
From looking over
The barren plains
Of what is left of my body
I wish I could spit it
Right back into you.
But I don't think that would be
Enough to satisfy me.
I struggle to fix
what you broke
I struggle to feel again whole.
Maybe you can
Do something for me?
Because I can't help feeling
some owing
From certain past events.
Just a little bit in return
For allowing so much time
to slip by
While you walked around
Free of knowing
Just what it is you did.
And I sit here,
Patiently waiting...
How about you eat
loads of salt
'Til your insides crumble
to dust
Stab forks in your eyes
And your body,
Please thrust
Over some jagged rocks.
Place your hands
On objects
Burning hot.
Smack an iron
across your face
Bleed
all over the place
From massive painful wounds
Until there is
nothing left.
But one huge
gaping hole
Where once
there was a soul
But now,
There's nothingness.
Then maybe
you will feel
Half as much of the hurt
That you caused
And the emptiness
in which I exist.
Staring like a ghost
As my life, it passes.
And this girl,
she sits on the sidelines
Who was kissed,
Yeah she was kissed
By a boy
Who thought himself
entitled
To things, which in actuality,
Were taken
Permissionless.
Yes, there's a girl
Who was stolen from and
Who with all her heart,
She's yearning
to rejoin her life
But everyday,
Everyday
this girl's learning.
Just how to
Hold her own hand
And cope with
Standing alone.
And yes, sometimes
It is frightening.
But she will continue on
fighting
Until these memories
Release
and grow old.
Maybe one day
you'll be told
Just what it was
that you stole
To know how it is
that you left me.
Your actions gutted my being
Left me blinded
and shadowed from seeing
How wonderful I can be.
An empty person,
silently screaming
Disconnected,
constantly careening
From your atrocities.
I shall wrench back
What was stolen
and never earned
I will get it back
And maybe you'll learn
The damage left in your stead.
I'll keep a promise
Made to myself
That one day,
I'll return to good health
And with work,
I will move on
To be the me I was
Prior to the wrongs
Yes,
I shall be me again.
NIHLY
VIEW 6 of 6 COMMENTS
meconqueso:
Yeah, my Mom was diagnosed with breast cancer in October and has been going through chemo since then. So yesterday they did her mastectomy and she got to go home from the hospital this afternoon. So she was in and out in less than 24 hours.
frenchy:
I'll make sure to shoot some sexy pics for ya 