nihly

"And I know you have a heavy heart
I can feel it in your kiss
So many men before me
Have thrown their backs out
Trying to lift it..."

"Most days I just want to step outside of my own heart
Go walk under a cloud full of stars
And hear nothing but the wind..."

I'm trying to trust. It's very difficult. Especially when I'm working at trusting myself before others. Others keep letting me down, so it's all up to me. I've known this for a long time, but knowing and and doing are two very different things.

Lots going on now with regular full time summer work, catching up with friends, hanging with Crush, too much sun and too little sleep...so keep up with me on here please if i'm not talking alot on MSN.

I still feel this residual anxiety clining to me and constricting my chest and I cannot pinpoint why. I just wish it would go away. It disrupts my sleep and the pressure feels like I'm about to burst into tears alot of the time. But that only happens when no one sees...when I finally lay in bed at night and try to get some sleep. In the dark. By myself. I'm pretty used to it. I'm sure many others are too, my case isn't all that unique, I know.

Just frustrating when there shouldn't be anything to be sad about. It just hangs around my doorway anyhow. And I wish it would go away. I want to breathe.

*sighs*

NIHLY