Throughout all my turmoil of emotional difficulties the holidays is always the worst! My suicide attempts in the past have been around these holidays. They cause or make you want to spend money you do not have. And if you do not have the money then you feel guilty for not having it. The Holiday's remind you of how messed up your family life is. It reminds you how alone in life you are. This year I finally opened myself up after 6 years to seriously being with a woman. Then she decides now after granted only 2 months to just throw your love aside even though at the sametime she will say I love you! Well that makes things even more messed up when you already feel like you do about the holidays! Thankfully I have my "happy pills" or could I be suicidal again? Most likely, but with them I will suffer through another screwed up torturous holiday season!
