Forewarning: this may be an extremely long blog.
I've been modeling since 2011. Classic pinup and automotive modeling in the beginning. Because of this, I made a profile on a website called Model Mayhem where artists from a plethora of backgrounds (photographers, makeup artists, designers, hair stylists, publications, etc.) can share their work and search for others to create with. One day in late 2012, I received a message from one of the best babe wranglers in the community, @rambo , who suggested I apply for SuicideGirls. At this point, I had no idea what SG was and initially blew off her message. I read into it a bit but wasn't sure how I felt about shooting nude. She then sent me a second message in early 2013 checking in with me and it sparked my interest more (makes you feel kind of special when someone takes the time to reach out again) so I really thought about what I wanted and made the decision to apply. I shot a set with my best friend (which was accepted) and my first set officially entered the queue. My debut set, Elevenses, hit member review on November 9th, 2013 and I was absolutely ecstatic!
At this point, I was hooked! I hadn't spent a ton of time on the site but slowly learned how things worked and decided to shoot a second set. Somewhere early in 2014 my second set hit MR. My second set (which is no longer in MR, since I took it down) was fun to shoot but I still don't think I really understood exactly what SG was looking for but this didn't stopped me from shooting more sets and attempting to be more a part of the community.
I was finally starting to get to know some of the great people in the SG community and started following a ton of people. This took place on the SG site and mainly on Instagram, since this is my favorite social media spot. Most of my interaction was from fellow Hopefuls and I manage to make friends with one in my area, @dash (pretty much the only other Hopeful within an hours drive, who has since moved away). She ends up holding a little get together at her house and I jump at the chance to go! I make it to her house and am so excited to meet all of these ladies!! I'm greeted by the most amazing group of women: @alorali (who later became a Suicide Girl), her friend Mauren (who shot one of her sets), obviously Dash, and @boomer_
From left to right: me, Alorali, Dash, and Boomer
After this event, I headed back to Atlanta and shot 2 sets. The first one I shot ended up being one of my favorite sets I've done. The set 1UP wasn't really done as a cosplay set but was, in my opinion, a fun little way to represent my love of gaming, my love for specific brands (Super Mario and Pokemon), and respect for those with vision problems (I wear glasses every single day so it was fun to incorporate these into the shoot).
The second set I shot is the only multis I've ever done and it was with @haleyhellian in Wood Nymphs. We'd met before while modeling and shooting with the same photographers so that made shooting a multis a ton easier and less stressful than it would have been if I'd only just met her. Even more fun, she was hanging out while I was shooting 1UP. We didn't do this part on purpose but we somehow ended up with having the same colored hair (it's weird because we'd both been dying our hair all sorts of ways and managed a deep red brown together).
By this time, I had obtained a little digital camera (it was the Nikon J1 that isn't a DSLR but still has interchangeable lenses and such) and decided I wanted to shoot a set of myself. As proud as I was of this set in the beginning...it's honestly horribly done. I've learned so much about photography and image editing since then that it's a huge embarrassment to see this set, BUT I keep it in MR to remind myself of how far I've come both as far as SG is concerned and related to my photography. Selfie portraits are still hard as hell to accomplish and I'm not sure if I'm ready to shoot another full set yet. Until then, I'm going to continue practice til I feel like I'm able to create what I really want and like. My only self shot set: Prunus Persica was a bit of a play on words (this being the scientific name of a peach tree which is not only the color of the lingerie I was wearing in this set but also represents my favorite fruit).
We're now in early 2015. I've had 2 sets go into review and have 1 more to go before the end of April. Before we get to that, though, I took a trip to Las Vegas (and took a weekend trip to Los Angeles as well). During my little weekend adventure I got to meet someone who'd I'd followed before she turned Pink and who I look up to for numerous reasons. @marceline is such an amazing woman. Strong, caring, intelligent, warm hearted, and so supportive of her friends. I feel extremely lucky that I go the chance to spend time with her and shoot with her husband @michaelmae during my visit. We didn't get a chance to shoot for SG but did still manage to take some amazing images that later were printed in Inked Girls Magazine.
Time to talk about my 6th set in MR, Mahogany Blues. I love this set so much. I managed to borrow my best friend's kimono robe (she was born in Okinawa and this was a gift from her late father) that you see here. This meant a ton to me for multiple reasons. For her to be kind enough to let me borrow something so meaningful was extremely generous. For me, this was also the point in my life where I really started to focus more on my own heritage. Though I'm actually Korean and not Japanese, it was wonderful to use such a beautifully created piece from a fellow Asian country. This set is my most well received and I'm so thankful that this was the last set to see MR when I took a bit of a hiatus.
A slump. That's what took place over the next 2 1/2 years. Like a lot of Hopefuls, I started to feel like I wasn't ever meant to be a Suicide Girl. I felt like I wasn't enough. I don't say this begging for compliments. I don't say this for reassurance. I don't say this to try and guilt anyone in leaving 💗on my sets or to leave more comments. I say this to recognize that at one point, I thought I needed to go Pink to be happy. That truly is a ridiculous notion. Now, there's nothing wrong with wanting your sets purchased. There's nothing wrong with wanted to be recognized. There's nothing wrong with wanting to be a part of the "in" crowd. However, this does not make or break who you are as a person. This doesn't change my want to be a part of the community as a whole. To support those who put in the work to create these amazing sets. To support the member who spend their hard earned money to be on this site in the first place. To support the staff for all that they do to keep things running and in turn, giving us a place to have such camaraderie and friendship. For a time, I lost sight of this. It took me a little while to come to this conclusion but I finally came around.
Summer of 2017, I made the choice to shoot 1 more set before I turned 30 (my 30th birthday was in November) and I managed to make that happen. Back to Atlanta I went. Into The Woods we went to shoot a set of the same name. I love shooting outdoors. Natural light, fresh air, your surroundings teeming with life...I wanted to share my love of nature. I was pretty disappointed with how this set was received but I stand by the fact that this was still a beautiful place to shoot, with lingerie that was handmade by a small business owner. I definitely don't plan on taking it down anytime soon and I'm proud of myself for making this set happened by my goal date.
So far, this has been a wonderful journey. I've made so many friends, even though out of all of the ladies I've met, only Marceline remains. Alorali archived and all of the Hopefuls have since moved on. Luckily, I didn't lose contact with them. I'm even hoping to see a couple of them the next time I go to Atlanta.
Climbing all over @topaz_
@titan_ being the R2D2 to my C-3PO
@teva - I hate that the one time I got to see her, we didn't manage to get a selfie together. A quick coffee and conversation was all we managed and I'm okay with this.
Will there be more sets? I would definitely like there to be. Only time will tell. I'd even like to try my hand at shooting sets for others. Until then, I'm going to try my best to not only continue to be as active as possible on the site but to also support as many amazing people in the world of arts outside of SG.
I appreciate all of the efforts that @missy @sean went to making SuicideGirls a thing and I don't plan leaving anytime soon.
