This is because I have nothing good to say...
So I give you Jokes
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A very successful lawyer parked his brand-new Lexus in front of his office, ready to show it off to his colleagues.
As he got out, a truck passed too close and completely tore the door off of the drivers side.
The counselor immediately grabbed his cell phone, dialed 911, and within minutes a policeman pulled up.
Before the officer had a chance to ask any questions, the lawyer started screaming hysterically.
His Lexus, which he had just picked up the day before, was now completely ruined and would never be the same, no matter what the body shop did to it.
When the lawyer finally wound down from his ranting and raving, the officer shook his head in disgust and disbelief.
"I cant believe how materialistic you lawyers are," he said. "You are so focused on your possessions that you dont notice anything else."
"How can you say such a thing?" asked the lawyer.
The cop replied, "Dont you know that your left arm is missing from the elbow down? It must have been torn off when the truck hit you."
"Ahhh!" screamed the lawyer. "Wheres my Rolex!"
==============================================
A cruise on the Pacific goes all wrong, the ship sinks, and there are only 3 Survivors; Steve, Roger and Elizabeth.
They manage to swim to a small island and they lived there for a couple of years doing what's natural for men and women to do.
After several years of casual sex, all the time, Elizabeth felt absolutely horrible about what she was doing.
She felt having sex with both Steve and Roger was so bad that she killed herself.
It was tragic but Steve and Roger managed to get through it and, after a while, nature once more took its inevitable course.
Well, a couple more years went by and Steve and Roger began to feel absolutely horrible about what they were doing.
............So they buried Elizabeth.
===========================================
You Know You Want to Check Out the MILF Hunter
MILF Hunting Should Be In the Olympics
Mildred was a 93-year-old woman who was particularly despondent over the recent death of her husband.
She decided that she would just kill herself and join him in death.
Thinking that it would be best to get it over with quickly, she took out his old Army pistol and made the decision to shoot herself in the heart, since it was badly broken in the first place.
Not wanting to miss the vital organ and become a vegetable and a burden to someone, she called her doctor's office to inquire as to just exactly where the heart would be on a woman.
The doctor said, 'Your heart would be just below your left breast'.
Later that night........
Mildred was admitted to the hospital with a gunshot wound to her knee.
So I give you Jokes
================================
A very successful lawyer parked his brand-new Lexus in front of his office, ready to show it off to his colleagues.
As he got out, a truck passed too close and completely tore the door off of the drivers side.
The counselor immediately grabbed his cell phone, dialed 911, and within minutes a policeman pulled up.
Before the officer had a chance to ask any questions, the lawyer started screaming hysterically.
His Lexus, which he had just picked up the day before, was now completely ruined and would never be the same, no matter what the body shop did to it.
When the lawyer finally wound down from his ranting and raving, the officer shook his head in disgust and disbelief.
"I cant believe how materialistic you lawyers are," he said. "You are so focused on your possessions that you dont notice anything else."
"How can you say such a thing?" asked the lawyer.
The cop replied, "Dont you know that your left arm is missing from the elbow down? It must have been torn off when the truck hit you."
"Ahhh!" screamed the lawyer. "Wheres my Rolex!"
==============================================
A cruise on the Pacific goes all wrong, the ship sinks, and there are only 3 Survivors; Steve, Roger and Elizabeth.
They manage to swim to a small island and they lived there for a couple of years doing what's natural for men and women to do.
After several years of casual sex, all the time, Elizabeth felt absolutely horrible about what she was doing.
She felt having sex with both Steve and Roger was so bad that she killed herself.
It was tragic but Steve and Roger managed to get through it and, after a while, nature once more took its inevitable course.
Well, a couple more years went by and Steve and Roger began to feel absolutely horrible about what they were doing.
............So they buried Elizabeth.
===========================================
You Know You Want to Check Out the MILF Hunter
MILF Hunting Should Be In the Olympics
Mildred was a 93-year-old woman who was particularly despondent over the recent death of her husband.
She decided that she would just kill herself and join him in death.
Thinking that it would be best to get it over with quickly, she took out his old Army pistol and made the decision to shoot herself in the heart, since it was badly broken in the first place.
Not wanting to miss the vital organ and become a vegetable and a burden to someone, she called her doctor's office to inquire as to just exactly where the heart would be on a woman.
The doctor said, 'Your heart would be just below your left breast'.
Later that night........
Mildred was admitted to the hospital with a gunshot wound to her knee.
rubybombshell:
Fucken bored
btyjugs:
"giggles" 