Some Jokes to Pass the day
Q: What's the difference between dogs and foxes?
A: About four beers.
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A man and his wife go to the site of their honeymoon for their 25th anniversary.
As the couple is reflecting on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asks the husband, "When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?"
The husband replies, "All I wanted to do was fuck your brains out and suck your tits dry."
"What are you thinking now?" the wife asks as she undresses.
The husband quickly replies: "It looks like I did a pretty good job."
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What do you call a Mexican with a rubber toe?
Roberto
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Bubba died in a fire, and his body was burned severely. The morgue needed someone to identify the body, so his two best friends, Daryl and Gomer, were sent for.
Daryl went in, and the mortician pulled back the sheet. Daryl said, "Yup, he's burnt pretty bad. Roll him over." The mortician rolled him over, and Daryl said, "Nope, ain't Bubba."
The mortician thought that was rather strange, and brought in Gomer next to identify the body. Gomer took a look at him and said, "Yup, he's burnt real bad, roll him over." The mortician rolled him over, and Gomer said, "No, it ain't Bubba."
The mortician asked, "How can you tell?"
Gomer said, "Well, Bubba had two assholes."
"What? He had two assholes?" asked the mortician.
"Yup, everyone in town knew he had two assholes. Every time we went to town, folks would say, 'Here comes Bubba with them two assholes.'"
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A redneck is walking down the road one day when he sees his cousin coming toward him carrying a gunnysack.
"Hey there, Billy Ray," says the redneck.
"Whatcha got there?"
"Some chickens," replies the cousin.
"If I kin guess how many you got, kin I have one?"
"Shoot, if you guess right, I'll give you both of 'em."
"OKfive."
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While out walking one day, a young boy met a redneck riding along with a dog and sheep and began a conversation.
"Hey, cool dog you got there. Mind if I speak to him?" asked the boy.
"Stupid kid," said the redneck. "Dogs don't talk."
The little boy ignored the redneck and talked to the dog anyway.
"Hey dog, how's it going?"
"Doin' all right," replied the dog to the redneck's amazement.
"Is this guy your owner?" asked the boy.
"Yep," replied the dog.
"How does he treat you?" asked the boy.
"Real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food, and takes me to the lake once a week to play."
With that, the boy asked if he could talk to the redneck's horse.
"Stupid kid, horses don't talk," replied the redneck.
The little boy ignored the redneck and talked to the horse, anyway.
"Hey horse, how's it going?"
"Cool," replied the horse.
"Is this your owner?" asked the boy pointing to the redneck.
"Yep."
"How's he treat you?" asked the boy.
"Pretty good, thanks for asking," replied the horse. "He rides me regularly, brushes me down often, and keeps me in a shed to protect me."
The redneck was totally amazed at his talking horse.
"Mind if I talk to your sheep?" asked the boy.
"The sheep's a liar," answered the redneck.
==================================
A recent study revealed that 85% of all Japanese men have cataracts.
The rest drive Rincons and Chevrorays.
Q: What's the difference between dogs and foxes?
A: About four beers.
=======================
A man and his wife go to the site of their honeymoon for their 25th anniversary.
As the couple is reflecting on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asks the husband, "When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?"
The husband replies, "All I wanted to do was fuck your brains out and suck your tits dry."
"What are you thinking now?" the wife asks as she undresses.
The husband quickly replies: "It looks like I did a pretty good job."
=========================
What do you call a Mexican with a rubber toe?
Roberto
==========================
Bubba died in a fire, and his body was burned severely. The morgue needed someone to identify the body, so his two best friends, Daryl and Gomer, were sent for.
Daryl went in, and the mortician pulled back the sheet. Daryl said, "Yup, he's burnt pretty bad. Roll him over." The mortician rolled him over, and Daryl said, "Nope, ain't Bubba."
The mortician thought that was rather strange, and brought in Gomer next to identify the body. Gomer took a look at him and said, "Yup, he's burnt real bad, roll him over." The mortician rolled him over, and Gomer said, "No, it ain't Bubba."
The mortician asked, "How can you tell?"
Gomer said, "Well, Bubba had two assholes."
"What? He had two assholes?" asked the mortician.
"Yup, everyone in town knew he had two assholes. Every time we went to town, folks would say, 'Here comes Bubba with them two assholes.'"
=============================
A redneck is walking down the road one day when he sees his cousin coming toward him carrying a gunnysack.
"Hey there, Billy Ray," says the redneck.
"Whatcha got there?"
"Some chickens," replies the cousin.
"If I kin guess how many you got, kin I have one?"
"Shoot, if you guess right, I'll give you both of 'em."
"OKfive."
============================
While out walking one day, a young boy met a redneck riding along with a dog and sheep and began a conversation.
"Hey, cool dog you got there. Mind if I speak to him?" asked the boy.
"Stupid kid," said the redneck. "Dogs don't talk."
The little boy ignored the redneck and talked to the dog anyway.
"Hey dog, how's it going?"
"Doin' all right," replied the dog to the redneck's amazement.
"Is this guy your owner?" asked the boy.
"Yep," replied the dog.
"How does he treat you?" asked the boy.
"Real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food, and takes me to the lake once a week to play."
With that, the boy asked if he could talk to the redneck's horse.
"Stupid kid, horses don't talk," replied the redneck.
The little boy ignored the redneck and talked to the horse, anyway.
"Hey horse, how's it going?"
"Cool," replied the horse.
"Is this your owner?" asked the boy pointing to the redneck.
"Yep."
"How's he treat you?" asked the boy.
"Pretty good, thanks for asking," replied the horse. "He rides me regularly, brushes me down often, and keeps me in a shed to protect me."
The redneck was totally amazed at his talking horse.
"Mind if I talk to your sheep?" asked the boy.
"The sheep's a liar," answered the redneck.
==================================
A recent study revealed that 85% of all Japanese men have cataracts.
The rest drive Rincons and Chevrorays.
<3 btw thanks