Ok, lemme elaborate on that last journal ramble:
Well, gonna do the chemo thing again here within the next couple weeks AND fuckin kidney dialysis. It all scares the hell outta me. Its either I try this, or die, no shit. My left kidney is wrecked and it needs help, so thats why I need dialysis. Ive done chemo before, yeah, it sucks, but Ill make it through that, at least I hope.
I feel sooooooooooooo alone. Im sick of crying over it, sick of contemplating suicide. Im sick of my little weak ass 125 pound body doing serious time.
I dont wanna lose my fuckin hair again. I dont wanna be able to not get it up. I dont wanna have to puke 15 times a day.
you ever have ppl. stare at you in public cuz your a man and you dont have eyebrows? Yeah, it sucks.
I just dont.
But you dont understand. If I dont try this one last thing, Im done did dead anyways. What do I have to lose?
This sickness has taken who I was once was and destroyed that person. The Eric I once was is gone to me now. I cant play guitar or drums right now, havent been able to drive in almost 6 months, cant sleep at night due to pain, even tho I hated it, I had to quit my job where I was makin almost 17 bones an hour.
Im not ventin this to get sympathy from anyone who may stumble across this.
I just need a vent. Im bitter.
Dont I have a right to be?
I mean, I hear certain people in and out of my life that bitch about such little things...runnin out of smokes, bad hair days, their dog peed on the carpet....blah blah.....or ths one gets me, they bitch that they havent gotten laid in like 2 weeks....oh no, not that.....
goddamn, I wish that was all I had to worry about.
anyone wanna trade fuckin souls for a few days? Ill show you hell.
god, im bitter.
I hate who I am. Well, a lot of who I am anyways.
Ive gotten up from this a few times now and yes, this is my swan song, my last fight.
If this doesnt work, I quit.
I have nothin to really live for anyways besides my daughter, but hell, she gets a quarter of a million as soon as I die.
ok, sorry. needed a vent.
Well, gonna do the chemo thing again here within the next couple weeks AND fuckin kidney dialysis. It all scares the hell outta me. Its either I try this, or die, no shit. My left kidney is wrecked and it needs help, so thats why I need dialysis. Ive done chemo before, yeah, it sucks, but Ill make it through that, at least I hope.
I feel sooooooooooooo alone. Im sick of crying over it, sick of contemplating suicide. Im sick of my little weak ass 125 pound body doing serious time.
I dont wanna lose my fuckin hair again. I dont wanna be able to not get it up. I dont wanna have to puke 15 times a day.
you ever have ppl. stare at you in public cuz your a man and you dont have eyebrows? Yeah, it sucks.
I just dont.
But you dont understand. If I dont try this one last thing, Im done did dead anyways. What do I have to lose?
This sickness has taken who I was once was and destroyed that person. The Eric I once was is gone to me now. I cant play guitar or drums right now, havent been able to drive in almost 6 months, cant sleep at night due to pain, even tho I hated it, I had to quit my job where I was makin almost 17 bones an hour.
Im not ventin this to get sympathy from anyone who may stumble across this.
I just need a vent. Im bitter.
Dont I have a right to be?
I mean, I hear certain people in and out of my life that bitch about such little things...runnin out of smokes, bad hair days, their dog peed on the carpet....blah blah.....or ths one gets me, they bitch that they havent gotten laid in like 2 weeks....oh no, not that.....
goddamn, I wish that was all I had to worry about.
anyone wanna trade fuckin souls for a few days? Ill show you hell.
god, im bitter.
I hate who I am. Well, a lot of who I am anyways.
Ive gotten up from this a few times now and yes, this is my swan song, my last fight.
If this doesnt work, I quit.
I have nothin to really live for anyways besides my daughter, but hell, she gets a quarter of a million as soon as I die.
ok, sorry. needed a vent.
terrakotta:
((hug)), and not the cheesy SG one people send to one another. 