I feel mildly unstable, today. Only mildly. 
This is a journal entry with a cause: Tom isn't a horrible boyfriend, as it may have appeared from previous entries. Why do I write such things about him? Because this is, strangely, a good venting process. It's public, yes. And I do apologize to you, Tom, for that. But not only does it allow my feelings to seep out, but it invites others' opinions, as well. Sometimes Joanne just tells me what I want to hear; or what you want to hear as she's your friend, too. I can't help but feel that, sometimes, I need an outside perspective. This is like having multiple, outer, personalities that I can converse with. On the other hand, I do understand that you'd rather me talk to you, personally, about such things and not splatter them on a website. So let's make a deal: I'll speak not of any unfortunate incidents or feelings involving you... if you'll try to listen to me without immediately arguing in defense. It gets us not much farther than this.
Now... back to the world o' just Nicci.
I need to expand my peripheral vision. I'm growing weary with my world of work and sleep and the occasional Tom. I'm getting too crazy and codependant.
Who wants to hang out with me?
I'd figured, this year, that there's no point in going out as I 1. have a boyfriend, 2. have an early-to-rise AND a parrtime job, and 3. am not yet legally able to drink/attend certain venues.
Now I say fuck all that! Say it with me, "Fuck it!"
I did fine last year. The only differential is the boyfriend and the second job. I'm rather used to being sleepy all the time. And once I'm going out with others and not focusing AS much on Tom and suppressing my loneliness in vast purchasing, I'll have more money! Not only that, there'll be less fighting with Tom as I'll be less demanding of his time and he'll be more appreciative of mine!
To top off all of this: there'll be less mention of Tom.
Let's count how many times his name has appeared, thusfar, in this entry...
My world surrounds him, my Chloe, and work. It saddens me, suppresses, restrains, annoys, and inflicts me with a sense of a small view.
To quote the Icelandic wonder, "there's more to life than this." Now I just need to find it.
AND I want to learn things. I want to tango dance, I want to play any instrument, I want to take boring accounting classes. I want to turn 21 and not go crazy.
I want to hang out with my family more.
All this and more! I will do it! This birth-control spiral will not stop me!
I want/need to venture out into the world again.
Who's with me?!?! *riot, fist-shaking voice*
This is a journal entry with a cause: Tom isn't a horrible boyfriend, as it may have appeared from previous entries. Why do I write such things about him? Because this is, strangely, a good venting process. It's public, yes. And I do apologize to you, Tom, for that. But not only does it allow my feelings to seep out, but it invites others' opinions, as well. Sometimes Joanne just tells me what I want to hear; or what you want to hear as she's your friend, too. I can't help but feel that, sometimes, I need an outside perspective. This is like having multiple, outer, personalities that I can converse with. On the other hand, I do understand that you'd rather me talk to you, personally, about such things and not splatter them on a website. So let's make a deal: I'll speak not of any unfortunate incidents or feelings involving you... if you'll try to listen to me without immediately arguing in defense. It gets us not much farther than this.
Now... back to the world o' just Nicci.
I need to expand my peripheral vision. I'm growing weary with my world of work and sleep and the occasional Tom. I'm getting too crazy and codependant.
Who wants to hang out with me?
I'd figured, this year, that there's no point in going out as I 1. have a boyfriend, 2. have an early-to-rise AND a parrtime job, and 3. am not yet legally able to drink/attend certain venues.
Now I say fuck all that! Say it with me, "Fuck it!"
I did fine last year. The only differential is the boyfriend and the second job. I'm rather used to being sleepy all the time. And once I'm going out with others and not focusing AS much on Tom and suppressing my loneliness in vast purchasing, I'll have more money! Not only that, there'll be less fighting with Tom as I'll be less demanding of his time and he'll be more appreciative of mine!
To top off all of this: there'll be less mention of Tom.
Let's count how many times his name has appeared, thusfar, in this entry...
My world surrounds him, my Chloe, and work. It saddens me, suppresses, restrains, annoys, and inflicts me with a sense of a small view.
To quote the Icelandic wonder, "there's more to life than this." Now I just need to find it.
AND I want to learn things. I want to tango dance, I want to play any instrument, I want to take boring accounting classes. I want to turn 21 and not go crazy.
I want to hang out with my family more.
All this and more! I will do it! This birth-control spiral will not stop me!
I want/need to venture out into the world again.
Who's with me?!?! *riot, fist-shaking voice*
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
There aren't too many scandalous stories from last Friday's party, just some normal drunkeness and friskiness.
(edited out stupid contact discussion - I forgot that I could use the contact feature and just send you my info directly). I live right around the corner from your workplace! Call me, let's do something!
[Edited on Feb 13, 2003]
I am however making myself go out tomorrow night, though. Flicker (the film festival)
is gonna be at the Cat's Cradle, and I've missed the last 2, so I will NOT miss this one.
If you are interested, email me. (Devi1Gir1666@nc.rr.com)
I have come to the decision that balancing matches on your nipples should be done when
not quite so drunk. Drunk people who put burning things on their nipples end up with scars.
It is a fun trick however, and I'd be more than happy to attempt a sober version of it at your
request.
All this relationship stuff you are going through is so familiar. It's like you are
reliving my life.
xxx Crystal