niav

Sometimes I really don't know what to do with myself. I feel at odds, bored, and frustrated. I'll want to make something, or read, or participate in something fun-but then I think about the effort that it would take and how the fun will soon end and I'll be once again preparing myself for an unpleasent day at work....and suddenly it doesn't seem so fun anymore. It suddenly seems not worth the energy to pull something out only to put it back up again.

I was busy in the kitchen today and started to realize just how much is wasted, plastic bags, wrapping, packaging, etc. American pay for convenience, but I don't really want that all the time.

I watched a documentary about Amish children having to choose to go back into the Amish church after living in the regular world, and although the movie wasn't about the simplicity of thier lifestyle-it was so appealing. Yes, they might work from dawn until night with hard physical labor...but how satisfying would it be to have a job that doesn't feel like a job at all.

Stupid dress codes that are only made by guidelines of opinions, fake smiles from people "higher" than you who only try and find fault in your performance, unfair disadvantages determined by who you are and who you know. I hate playing games, walking on eggshells, sucking up, and being a "good employee". I hate living in a world where advancement is based on proving worth of advancement, yet I can't even be approved for a "special invitation-no credit required, guarenteed approval" credit card.

People are so greedy and unkind. It's not fair that I've had to learn to be so terrible, that I have to live as a parasite off the disadvantages of other people. Maybe this is why I love animals so much, because it truly is sad that a species so intelligent with such great capabilities be so corrupt. We smile every day completely unaware of the damage we do and the suffering we bring. We've goten so used to this lifestyle.

I am diseased. Who can I sue?