I'm in a strange situation right now. I don't want to be always whining or gushing about my boyfriend on here because no one wants to read that...but a bit of each comprises this entry so put on your seatbelts 'ladies and gents'.
Me? I've dated. A lot. I met my boyfriend and we both truely fell arse over elbows in love-we're even talking marriage. But while I sit here typing alone in his room, he's talking to the girl that should have found him first.
She's his dream girl in every way wether he will admit it or not (which he probaby would) And me? I was not what he expected at all, but for some strange reason was attracted anyways...well I know that reason. It's only because I responded back. If you've read any of my entries before (which there arn't that many-sorry!) you should have figured out I am docile. I met him, I liked him, and I adapted to his ideals...I've lost weight for him, I've dropped my southern accent for him (well, still working on it but I'm not near as bad), I've taken up his music and other preferences, etc...
She's already skinny, no country drawl, is nearly more a music nerd than he is, and so much more. She was perfect to begin with.
I am a complicated girl, but not in the normal way men would view the general female gender. I'm plainly complicated, not petty. My mind is always plagued with something extraordinary. I live in my own world, not physical, not mental, not spiritual...something else unexplainable, so just attempt to conceive that idea.
He has always been frank with how he feels, and told me he was attracted to her long ago. He asks me if I'm jealous, but I am not. I'm just sad. Now she has started hanging out with our friends a bit, coming out of her shell to make an extra effort to get to know him, brought on by his uncontrolable habit of flirting-attached or not.
He tells me when he flirts, but I'm still not jealous. I'm depressed. They've spent alone time together while I'm at work, but always with my knowlege and consent. He is not a cheater, and though he may be attracted he would never act upon his fantasies with her-he has too much integrity for that.
She's loyal, I can tell. I trust her. In my world she makes sense. She is stable, solid, unyielding, and he's always longed for her from afar. She deserves him where I do not and I always know the whoever-she-is-perfect-for-him-girl would come along one day.
Now they talk, and she's spilling her heart to him. Not in attempt to win him over from me, but to protect our relationship by announcing her decision to completely refrain from seeing him now on. I admire her.
In my world I can see myself retracted from the scene: He never met met in college, but continued to admire her at every rock show when he accidentally caught a glimpse of her. Through the dim lighting and whirling crowd he would see her, only her...the pulse of music and abeyance. He'd hold out, and one day her smile directs to him as it has now.
But it is too late, I have ruined him, and I am grieved. I will retract myself into my world for a bit. He knows how I am with it too. Often I feel his curiosity and longing to see my experiences there, but he is unable-like everyone else.
This makes me feel even more out of place, you can imagine. I cannot cleave from him properly. Not without causing more damage than what I already have. He's true to me, loves me, wants me, and would fight for me. But, she would be better for him. He's the only person who's ever treated me as though I deserve to be loved, and all I will do is break his heart. A jagged break.
He is confused, I am confused. I know what I should do...should. But when has love been sensible? I'll continue as I am, as I have been. I'll do my best to do the least amount of damage. I just want him to be happy and not bound by what should have been when he makes his final decision.
.:~*Niav*~:.
Me? I've dated. A lot. I met my boyfriend and we both truely fell arse over elbows in love-we're even talking marriage. But while I sit here typing alone in his room, he's talking to the girl that should have found him first.
She's his dream girl in every way wether he will admit it or not (which he probaby would) And me? I was not what he expected at all, but for some strange reason was attracted anyways...well I know that reason. It's only because I responded back. If you've read any of my entries before (which there arn't that many-sorry!) you should have figured out I am docile. I met him, I liked him, and I adapted to his ideals...I've lost weight for him, I've dropped my southern accent for him (well, still working on it but I'm not near as bad), I've taken up his music and other preferences, etc...
She's already skinny, no country drawl, is nearly more a music nerd than he is, and so much more. She was perfect to begin with.
I am a complicated girl, but not in the normal way men would view the general female gender. I'm plainly complicated, not petty. My mind is always plagued with something extraordinary. I live in my own world, not physical, not mental, not spiritual...something else unexplainable, so just attempt to conceive that idea.
He has always been frank with how he feels, and told me he was attracted to her long ago. He asks me if I'm jealous, but I am not. I'm just sad. Now she has started hanging out with our friends a bit, coming out of her shell to make an extra effort to get to know him, brought on by his uncontrolable habit of flirting-attached or not.
He tells me when he flirts, but I'm still not jealous. I'm depressed. They've spent alone time together while I'm at work, but always with my knowlege and consent. He is not a cheater, and though he may be attracted he would never act upon his fantasies with her-he has too much integrity for that.
She's loyal, I can tell. I trust her. In my world she makes sense. She is stable, solid, unyielding, and he's always longed for her from afar. She deserves him where I do not and I always know the whoever-she-is-perfect-for-him-girl would come along one day.
Now they talk, and she's spilling her heart to him. Not in attempt to win him over from me, but to protect our relationship by announcing her decision to completely refrain from seeing him now on. I admire her.
In my world I can see myself retracted from the scene: He never met met in college, but continued to admire her at every rock show when he accidentally caught a glimpse of her. Through the dim lighting and whirling crowd he would see her, only her...the pulse of music and abeyance. He'd hold out, and one day her smile directs to him as it has now.
But it is too late, I have ruined him, and I am grieved. I will retract myself into my world for a bit. He knows how I am with it too. Often I feel his curiosity and longing to see my experiences there, but he is unable-like everyone else.
This makes me feel even more out of place, you can imagine. I cannot cleave from him properly. Not without causing more damage than what I already have. He's true to me, loves me, wants me, and would fight for me. But, she would be better for him. He's the only person who's ever treated me as though I deserve to be loved, and all I will do is break his heart. A jagged break.
He is confused, I am confused. I know what I should do...should. But when has love been sensible? I'll continue as I am, as I have been. I'll do my best to do the least amount of damage. I just want him to be happy and not bound by what should have been when he makes his final decision.
.:~*Niav*~:.
VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
Your boy has nothing to offer a 20-30 female unless he has the other glass slipper.
You also didn't "ruin him." A man is just a man, he is what he is.
You can see a man's future by looking at his life from 18-21. You can not change him, period.. I've found that women will try to change the ways of men and they always fail.. that is just the way of things.
I also know that women never, ever believe they can't change their man even after failing time after time.
Well good luck.. He's just some dude. Dump his ass and get yourself a real man.