nhpsychobilly131

Somebody once said, "help others and you will help yourself". Well i'm not really sure how i feel about that. I've spent the past 3 years of my life doing nothing but help others, and i've never felt worse. i've taken my life as it was and added about a ton and a half of other peoples misery on top of my own to it. it really does get to the point where in your own mind you decide if someone deserves your help or not. i still give it, but i think to myself "this person does not deserve what i am doing for them" and thats wrong. in my opinion.


you know deep down, i think i probly do this for 3 reasons, and after you read this you'll probly never speak to me again but hey, at least i'm honest. in no particular order:
reason 1: paycheck, small as it may be

reason 2: personal satisfaction (i honestly think that witnessing death first hand is very fascinating)

and reason 3: i'm a sucker for punishment. i know for a fact that i am happier when things are not going well, i enjoy being hurt physically and emotionally.

so there's my life in a nutshell, i'm drunk enough that i dont care if you know about it, thats to say that there are people out there who actually have time to read my shit, if there are. cool to you.