Mr sensible head
Spent the day suffering from the drowsiness of the medications; had to give up watching rugby, I was again nodding off severely. So, by the time that had finished, I was ready for bed... not sure if it was between 8-9 or 9-10, all I know is that it was very early, very cold and since I have no life and being...
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Spent the day suffering from the drowsiness of the medications; had to give up watching rugby, I was again nodding off severely. So, by the time that had finished, I was ready for bed... not sure if it was between 8-9 or 9-10, all I know is that it was very early, very cold and since I have no life and being...
Read More
Ambivalence & going down again
That NDD nonsense got to me in the end. Violated their terms & conditions, which as we all know means you get shut down when you piss off admin for saying something out of line or break rules of conduct. Since no one offered any input as to what it was I'd said, I'm none the wiser, only feel persecuted,...
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That NDD nonsense got to me in the end. Violated their terms & conditions, which as we all know means you get shut down when you piss off admin for saying something out of line or break rules of conduct. Since no one offered any input as to what it was I'd said, I'm none the wiser, only feel persecuted,...
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fenstar:
I'm gonna say it to you only once, suicide is not the way, it's cowardly, and that's saying it from someone who has been tempted by it. The world is full of amazing things, you just have to find them.
Judgement, censorship & Vendetta's
Went back to NDD, had some things on my mind which were driving me crazy, needed to record them in a diary there. Only thing is, the site is odd - it has forums, which are hardly used, and diaries, which become the benchmark as to whether you get accepted into the clique that has become a regulars meeting place.
Censorship...
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Went back to NDD, had some things on my mind which were driving me crazy, needed to record them in a diary there. Only thing is, the site is odd - it has forums, which are hardly used, and diaries, which become the benchmark as to whether you get accepted into the clique that has become a regulars meeting place.
Censorship...
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fenstar:
so write a paper journal, or get a livejournal and make it friends only, easy peasy 
Looking in the wrong places?
Major downer 
Firefox just ate my super long entry. Again. I'm just about through with this piece of fucking shit keep doing this to me. So much energy and heart and soul went into that entry and to have it eaten again is just soul destroying.
What did I have to say? When it gets down to it, does it really matter - is my...
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Firefox just ate my super long entry. Again. I'm just about through with this piece of fucking shit keep doing this to me. So much energy and heart and soul went into that entry and to have it eaten again is just soul destroying.
What did I have to say? When it gets down to it, does it really matter - is my...
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VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
fenstar:
oh ps - write your journal updates in notepad or word, then cut and paste, no eating of entries, voila. I am so full of ideas right now, my brain might explode.
I need to pee
I need to pee
fenstar:
pps - i have similarities to no one, iam the noodle one and only, the unique being of noodles
Films probably not a good idea to watch when depressed...
But 17 years ago, when I had my first breakdown, I sat in my own fucked up little mind and M*A*S*H came on and at the time, it wasn't in the major league of brilliant ideas of things to do.
Tonight, after buying the film recently, I'm doing the same damned thing. The only difference...
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But 17 years ago, when I had my first breakdown, I sat in my own fucked up little mind and M*A*S*H came on and at the time, it wasn't in the major league of brilliant ideas of things to do.
Tonight, after buying the film recently, I'm doing the same damned thing. The only difference...
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Ain't been around, been messed in the head as usual...
First things first, go here, here and here, etc;
David Hykes's Harmonic World There is a track included in Baraka from this guy and his work is breathtaking... 'Noodle, consider this one for you.
Next up;
Food! Recipes! Munchies!
Can't exist on angst alone now, can we? Come on, I want to see some favourite...
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First things first, go here, here and here, etc;
David Hykes's Harmonic World There is a track included in Baraka from this guy and his work is breathtaking... 'Noodle, consider this one for you.
Next up;
Food! Recipes! Munchies!
Can't exist on angst alone now, can we? Come on, I want to see some favourite...
Read More
fenstar:
oh so you're cheating on us SG'ers then 
I can't use limewire or anything else as I am on my university connection and all those ports are blocked. However I do have Baraka as I am already a big fan.
I can't use limewire or anything else as I am on my university connection and all those ports are blocked. However I do have Baraka as I am already a big fan.
Where the fuck have I been!? You have no idea...
You know when you get bad luck, then a run of bad luck, then well, the shit hits the fan and you think, this is karma and reincarnation gettings it's pound of flesh. Well, that's my year so far. Fucking shitty.
Since I turned over 30-ish (ahem) I've experienced love at first sight, fell utterly...
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You know when you get bad luck, then a run of bad luck, then well, the shit hits the fan and you think, this is karma and reincarnation gettings it's pound of flesh. Well, that's my year so far. Fucking shitty.
Since I turned over 30-ish (ahem) I've experienced love at first sight, fell utterly...
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fenstar:
shit man, i missed this entry, but i did read your other journal. I'm really sorry for all this shit. You are not cursed, but it's hard to get up once you are down. All I can say is keep at it. Life is not worth throwing away, you NEVER know what's around the corner.
Put a smile on your dial, no matter what. I do this and it amazes me the response I get from it, no matter how shit and insecure I am feeling inside.
I hope you begin to feel better soon, I really do.
Put a smile on your dial, no matter what. I do this and it amazes me the response I get from it, no matter how shit and insecure I am feeling inside.
I hope you begin to feel better soon, I really do.
When Life Loses It's Bite
Every time I see my children I feel I've let them down. That when it comes down to it, I'm going to fail them because I'm not going to beat this, I'm not going to make it.
The feeling has been creeping back, eating away at me again;
I'm not good enough.
Any idea what that feeling is like to...
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Every time I see my children I feel I've let them down. That when it comes down to it, I'm going to fail them because I'm not going to beat this, I'm not going to make it.
The feeling has been creeping back, eating away at me again;
I'm not good enough.
Any idea what that feeling is like to...
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VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
nexusdog:
It's no good smooth talking me, we're not compatible and it'd never work... no, no, don't try to change my mind, I know it would end in tears or possibly breadcrumbs or other food substance debris everywhere (beats throwing heavy objects at each other, I suppose).
I've been two timing you, yes, I found another blog and I've been writing there, though it's nothing serious, was only for the kicks.,... one of those mistakes we make - how can you forgive me, you know how it is - boy meets blog, blog meets boy, boy blogs, blog has someone else, it ends in tears, boy left blogless and again all alone and loveless.
Why the hell couldn't you be a Scorpio or something... then I wouldn't have to lie about my age!?
Damn woman, you're still hot!
I've been two timing you, yes, I found another blog and I've been writing there, though it's nothing serious, was only for the kicks.,... one of those mistakes we make - how can you forgive me, you know how it is - boy meets blog, blog meets boy, boy blogs, blog has someone else, it ends in tears, boy left blogless and again all alone and loveless.
Why the hell couldn't you be a Scorpio or something... then I wouldn't have to lie about my age!?
Damn woman, you're still hot!
fenstar:
man reply in my journal then i actually get to read your responses lol
yeah yeah i'm a great smooth talker, i win
yeah yeah i'm a great smooth talker, i win