nexusdog

Since my 40th birthday,

I've had a breakdown
Been divorced
Lost my home
See my chidren only as a part time father
Overdosed apx 4 times in two months due to severe reaction to SSRI's
Been in hospital for;
Meatal stricture of the urethra - you don't want to know, but in involves catheters
Nerve root block on my spine due to slipped disc
Overdosing x 3/4 times
I'm financially destitute

I've got social anxiety
Suffer from chronic low self esteem
avpd
chronic depression
Ive been humiliated & humiliated myself during my breakdown, I'm ashamed to admit
Endure the stigma of suffering from depression at work, as well as the OD's
Don't get taken seriously or given credit for my aptitude or attitude
Have to work twice as hard to prove myself
Am currently in therapy for trauma caused during childhood
and found out I was abused as a child: psychological abuse & emotional neglect



I'm carrying 35 years of humiliation, rejection, guilt and shame over the abuse I endured for 15 years from apx age 5 until I left home at 21. But the abuse didn't end when I left home, my father continued to treat me with contempt every time I visited my mother.
I suffered daily psychological abuse and emotional neglect at the hands of my father, bullied at home, then bullied throughout my school years. Each event adding more to my overwhelmed psyche and sense of worth.
I wasn't allowed to feel the fear or pain when I turned to my mother for help.

In apx two months, I'll be 41. I think you can draw your own conclusions as to what kind of year I've had. It's quite enough for one person to endure, don't you think?

But I'm still here, though I am seriously fucked off after all that's happened. Life feels like shit these days, that's the only way to describe it. I've tried several times to commit suicide because everything just gets too much at times.

Life can be a pisser.