Ain't been around, been messed in the head as usual...
First things first, go here, here and here, etc;
David Hykes's Harmonic World There is a track included in Baraka from this guy and his work is breathtaking... 'Noodle, consider this one for you.
Next up;
Food! Recipes! Munchies!
Can't exist on angst alone now, can we? Come on, I want to see some favourite recipes showing up now you've got the link! Especially from those of you who indulge in recreational drugs!
The Iffy stuff...
Got a prolapsed disc which keeps me in constant pain, so spent most of last week in hospital on morphine until they gave me a root nerve block (think epidural, you get the idea...). Pain came back after about 24 hours, drugs didn't work when I was supposed to stick to the times suggested, so started taking them when the pain got too bad. Basically means I'm settin my alarm for 4 am for a shot of morphine and then tabs around 8am to try and catch the pain before it kicks off again.
Went to GP to sort something out because the pain was so bad again, so the locum gave me 2 bottles of morphine!? I mean, someone who's depressed being given ammunition to basically kill themselves... beggars belief. But still, if the shit hits the fan and I can't take it any more, at least it'll be a fucking good sleep to oblivion, eh!
Cried my eyes out last Thursday when I had to leave my daughter again to come home, because she was crying as I was leaving her yet again. That sort of thing makes me want to die, to curl up and make it all go away - I'm not strong enough for me, let alone her, so what can I offer my children when I'm so fucked up like this?
Going to be moving back home with my mum in the new year as this renting is breaking my finances something chronic. Can't say I'm looking forward to it, it'll be like living in an old peoples home, but financially I'll be quids in, hopefully in a short amount of time, which could lead to me actually being able to buy another house one day. (Noodle, come live with me! )
Got another blog going, and got a friend! Yay! Somebody lov.... someone to talk to. Funny situation, if that's the right word to use - 'funny'. Very up and down, reminds me of being a teenager again, when you like someone but don't know how to act and just go to pieces. It's sort of formal but with that tension that won't be spoken about... all a bit daft when you look at it from the outside
Confession time... been on the Yahoo dating pages. Yes, I'm looking to see who's out there, getting a feel for the quality of members before deciding to sign up. Probably to the same for some of the other daing sites as well, I'm getting that sad; Match.com and the others I can't think of right now. It's getting to the stage where I'm (bad choice of word, but you get the idea) desperate for some companionship and quite frankly, I ain't finding any. Notice the absence of the word 'getting' in that sentence, just to make sure we all know we're talking about friendship rather than gratification (let's not go there, I'm on dodgy ground as it is!)...
Still can't help feeling this depression is the one thing which fucks my relationships up for me - me, I'm the one who's fucked up, that's why they go tits up. Not a good thing to know to, is it, that your illness is going to screw your life up and probably lead to being single for the rest of your days.
And my beadie necklace broke this morning... fucking arse! I really liked that one and it exploded over the bathroom floor so there's bits everywhere now. I like my beadies, but they just don't last and I dunno where to get decent ones other than the ones sold in the menswear shops (Next was the last one I got my latest ones from).
Right now, I'd rather be in Porto Lounge in Fishponds, with a good book and enough money and cigs to watch the world go by, have a decent meal and a few drinks (non alcoholic) and in that strange parallel universe actually start a conversation with a strangely attractive female and suddenly find the afternoon has flown by and had a really nice time and then make arrangements to meet again same time tomorrow.
But I don't live in that universe, so I'm buggered.
First things first, go here, here and here, etc;
David Hykes's Harmonic World There is a track included in Baraka from this guy and his work is breathtaking... 'Noodle, consider this one for you.
Next up;
Food! Recipes! Munchies!
Can't exist on angst alone now, can we? Come on, I want to see some favourite recipes showing up now you've got the link! Especially from those of you who indulge in recreational drugs!
The Iffy stuff...
Got a prolapsed disc which keeps me in constant pain, so spent most of last week in hospital on morphine until they gave me a root nerve block (think epidural, you get the idea...). Pain came back after about 24 hours, drugs didn't work when I was supposed to stick to the times suggested, so started taking them when the pain got too bad. Basically means I'm settin my alarm for 4 am for a shot of morphine and then tabs around 8am to try and catch the pain before it kicks off again.
Went to GP to sort something out because the pain was so bad again, so the locum gave me 2 bottles of morphine!? I mean, someone who's depressed being given ammunition to basically kill themselves... beggars belief. But still, if the shit hits the fan and I can't take it any more, at least it'll be a fucking good sleep to oblivion, eh!
Cried my eyes out last Thursday when I had to leave my daughter again to come home, because she was crying as I was leaving her yet again. That sort of thing makes me want to die, to curl up and make it all go away - I'm not strong enough for me, let alone her, so what can I offer my children when I'm so fucked up like this?
Going to be moving back home with my mum in the new year as this renting is breaking my finances something chronic. Can't say I'm looking forward to it, it'll be like living in an old peoples home, but financially I'll be quids in, hopefully in a short amount of time, which could lead to me actually being able to buy another house one day. (Noodle, come live with me!
)
Got another blog going, and got a friend! Yay! Somebody lov.... someone to talk to. Funny situation, if that's the right word to use - 'funny'. Very up and down, reminds me of being a teenager again, when you like someone but don't know how to act and just go to pieces. It's sort of formal but with that tension that won't be spoken about... all a bit daft when you look at it from the outside
Confession time... been on the Yahoo dating pages. Yes, I'm looking to see who's out there, getting a feel for the quality of members before deciding to sign up. Probably to the same for some of the other daing sites as well, I'm getting that sad; Match.com and the others I can't think of right now. It's getting to the stage where I'm (bad choice of word, but you get the idea) desperate for some companionship and quite frankly, I ain't finding any. Notice the absence of the word 'getting' in that sentence, just to make sure we all know we're talking about friendship rather than gratification (let's not go there, I'm on dodgy ground as it is!)...
Still can't help feeling this depression is the one thing which fucks my relationships up for me - me, I'm the one who's fucked up, that's why they go tits up. Not a good thing to know to, is it, that your illness is going to screw your life up and probably lead to being single for the rest of your days.
And my beadie necklace broke this morning... fucking arse! I really liked that one and it exploded over the bathroom floor so there's bits everywhere now. I like my beadies, but they just don't last and I dunno where to get decent ones other than the ones sold in the menswear shops (Next was the last one I got my latest ones from).
Right now, I'd rather be in Porto Lounge in Fishponds, with a good book and enough money and cigs to watch the world go by, have a decent meal and a few drinks (non alcoholic) and in that strange parallel universe actually start a conversation with a strangely attractive female and suddenly find the afternoon has flown by and had a really nice time and then make arrangements to meet again same time tomorrow.
But I don't live in that universe, so I'm buggered.
I can't use limewire or anything else as I am on my university connection and all those ports are blocked. However I do have Baraka as I am already a big fan.