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nexusdog

Bristol

Member Since 2005

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Tuesday Nov 01, 2005

Nov 1, 2005
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When Life Loses It's Bite

Every time I see my children I feel I've let them down. That when it comes down to it, I'm going to fail them because I'm not going to beat this, I'm not going to make it.

The feeling has been creeping back, eating away at me again;

I'm not good enough.

Any idea what that feeling is like to live with all the time, every day? Kinda gets to you, doesn't it? Well imagine having that thought and not being able to get rid of it, then you get some idea of what it's like when you suffer from depression.

So now, I'm back at the edge, or at least taking a stroll towards it with the intention of looking in and wondering if this time will be the one where I step into the void.

Why not? My life is shit, I've lived in fear and it's destroyed my ability to enjoy life or be myself or just be happy and live for the moment.

MSN keeps eating my blogs so I'm getting more despondent with everything - you know, that feeling that nothing goes right, that the world is against you.

Even my Blue Nile playlist isn't helping, that's probably making me feel worse if anything, it's soulful and not exactly what you would call uplifting.

Status Anhedonia

Condition Flat

That Pit looks pretty deep...
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
nexusdog:
It's no good smooth talking me, we're not compatible and it'd never work... no, no, don't try to change my mind, I know it would end in tears or possibly breadcrumbs or other food substance debris everywhere (beats throwing heavy objects at each other, I suppose).

I've been two timing you, yes, I found another blog and I've been writing there, though it's nothing serious, was only for the kicks.,... one of those mistakes we make - how can you forgive me, you know how it is - boy meets blog, blog meets boy, boy blogs, blog has someone else, it ends in tears, boy left blogless and again all alone and loveless.

Why the hell couldn't you be a Scorpio or something... then I wouldn't have to lie about my age!?

Damn woman, you're still hot! tongue smile kiss
Nov 7, 2005
fenstar:
man reply in my journal then i actually get to read your responses lol

yeah yeah i'm a great smooth talker, i win biggrin
Nov 9, 2005

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