Early this morning, Jimmy Wilkins, a 9th grader at a local high school, was eaten by a bear. The police are leaning toward suicide as Jimmy had recently been very depressed, but they haven't ruled out the notion that this was a homocide plot masterminded by the bear (known from here on out as Mr X). Mr X had a string of arrests in the early 80's due to his cocaine addiction and a small empire he had set up for himself smuggling blow from Cuba.
Jimmy is remembered by his two parents, Lee and Tori, and his younger sister Beatrice. A memorial service will be held at Great Oaks mausoleum on Thursday afternoon, with a reception to follow. After this, there will be a solemn 5k jog, which, as per tradition, will be followed by the solemn creation of the funerary balloon animals.
Guests are expected to RSVP, and if possible, bring a donation for the "Jimmy Wilkins' Save Children From Cokehead Bears" fund.
Thank you for all your kind wishes in this trying time.
Jimmy is remembered by his two parents, Lee and Tori, and his younger sister Beatrice. A memorial service will be held at Great Oaks mausoleum on Thursday afternoon, with a reception to follow. After this, there will be a solemn 5k jog, which, as per tradition, will be followed by the solemn creation of the funerary balloon animals.
Guests are expected to RSVP, and if possible, bring a donation for the "Jimmy Wilkins' Save Children From Cokehead Bears" fund.
Thank you for all your kind wishes in this trying time.
VIEW 11 of 11 COMMENTS
demigauge:
merf
cheshire:
eaten by a bear... wow... gorey