Shattered. So fucking shattered. And it feels so god damn good.
Got back from the reading festival yesterday feeling like a zombie.. and i still do. I have a cold, bruises all over from "trolley jousting" and suffering from some sort of sleep deprevation. Im sure the lack of washing and the binge drinking has affected me in some shape or form too.
It was the third time in a row i had been but it was so much better. Partly because it was the first time i had been without a girlfriend. So what if i didnt have festival sex. I had something much better.. unforgetable memories of being an idiot having fun doing what he does best.
I cant be bothered to talk much about the bands because most of the fun was in the frollocks afterwards until sunrise. However i should mention Kings of Leon for an amazing set (even better than the last time i saw them), Foo Fighers were good and Iron Maiden was nothing short of amazing.
Alot of the time i spent "trolley jousting". This mainly involved too shallow trollies from waitrose, two complete fucking suicidial idiots who wanted to become legends for a minute or two, and an already overcrowded iron path. The two "contenders" stand in a trolley and theyre pulled back so theyre a couple of hundred yards apart. Theyre then pushed as fast as possible into each other and they go flying. Sometimes they ended up doing forwards flips landing on their necks. Sometimes they went flying into the crowd. Sometimes someones tent would get destroyed. Sometimes some already wasted drunk trying to walk home would get even more wasted. And sometimes they would just end up head butting each other, The winner was the one to be in the trolley last. The crowds job is to generally hide whats going to happen to the challengers and generally get in the way whilst chanting "TROLLEY! TROLLEY! TROLLEY TROLLEY TROLLEY!" repeatedly with a beer in one hand.
I did it 6 times and after that i had just too many injuries to go on. The first time i nearly shat myself and you dont know whats going to happen. One time i was whizzing down the path towards the other and a third trolley came out in the middle which i didnt know about because i was just coming back from the dodgy shitter. You run on sheer adrenalin and the only downside is when an innocent tent gets destroyed.
Variations of this include the "flaming trolley jousting"
At one point there were riots. Police would come round every now and then in 4x4's and would speed off when they got pelted with glass bottles. It was this point that i realised i was in a slightly more hardcore field than the previous two years (the brown fields!) and that the festival is a whole different world that spirals out of control. Of course there were the usual deodrant cans, baked bean cans, gas canisters thrown on the fires on the sunday night mirroring down town Somalia with all the explosions but the antics were worse in the brown fields. We had to stay up all night to protect our gazebo with sticks from the "GA-ZE-BO" burning mob that went around ripping them up and destroying them. None of the shit i saw will never make it into the news. It was around for those nights and those night only.
One guy jumped over a fire when a gas canister blew up and had to be rushed to hospital because blood was pouring out of his jeans between his legs. Another broke their neck.
Sunday night we didnt need our bog rolls any more so everyone threw them up over the wires with lights on them and the bunting that over hung high up above the metal paths. Being a muppet i unrravled my bog roll and threw it up in the air. Except mine ripped and i was left with no roll and a big pile of toilet paper. So i dumped it on my friends lap whilst he was reading facts from a magazine. I dont know how he didnt realise but i put the tail of the toilet paper into the fire. He then slowly began to wind it in whilst reading out the facts (go knows why he was winding it in) and then when he pulled it all in he froze for a couple of seconds as his whole lap went up in flames instantly. Was one of the funniest things that we had even seen. My ribs really hurt after 5 mins of solid laughing.
After that someone decided to light all the bog rolls that were hanging from the lights. The flames went up slowly and took out all the electricity to the orange camp! The bunting also hung down (which was promptly ripped off).
A special mention goes out to the "Porta-Rave", the "Move that tent" protest quoir (your co-ordination and dynamics were amazing - but did you have to sing those three words until sunrise?) and the lady that ran around on acid with only a jumper on trying to ride chairs.
All in all i had an amazing time. Some peoples actions were pretty stupid and some suffered which sucked. But the stupidness which didnt affect anyone but themselves was pricelss. Ive already booked my ticket for next year and its going to fucking rock!
*thanks to tufty for the images - next time ill risk it and take my digital camera! this year we only had three chairs, 15 beers and a broken stereo nicked!*
Got back from the reading festival yesterday feeling like a zombie.. and i still do. I have a cold, bruises all over from "trolley jousting" and suffering from some sort of sleep deprevation. Im sure the lack of washing and the binge drinking has affected me in some shape or form too.
It was the third time in a row i had been but it was so much better. Partly because it was the first time i had been without a girlfriend. So what if i didnt have festival sex. I had something much better.. unforgetable memories of being an idiot having fun doing what he does best.
I cant be bothered to talk much about the bands because most of the fun was in the frollocks afterwards until sunrise. However i should mention Kings of Leon for an amazing set (even better than the last time i saw them), Foo Fighers were good and Iron Maiden was nothing short of amazing.
Alot of the time i spent "trolley jousting". This mainly involved too shallow trollies from waitrose, two complete fucking suicidial idiots who wanted to become legends for a minute or two, and an already overcrowded iron path. The two "contenders" stand in a trolley and theyre pulled back so theyre a couple of hundred yards apart. Theyre then pushed as fast as possible into each other and they go flying. Sometimes they ended up doing forwards flips landing on their necks. Sometimes they went flying into the crowd. Sometimes someones tent would get destroyed. Sometimes some already wasted drunk trying to walk home would get even more wasted. And sometimes they would just end up head butting each other, The winner was the one to be in the trolley last. The crowds job is to generally hide whats going to happen to the challengers and generally get in the way whilst chanting "TROLLEY! TROLLEY! TROLLEY TROLLEY TROLLEY!" repeatedly with a beer in one hand.
I did it 6 times and after that i had just too many injuries to go on. The first time i nearly shat myself and you dont know whats going to happen. One time i was whizzing down the path towards the other and a third trolley came out in the middle which i didnt know about because i was just coming back from the dodgy shitter. You run on sheer adrenalin and the only downside is when an innocent tent gets destroyed.
Variations of this include the "flaming trolley jousting"
At one point there were riots. Police would come round every now and then in 4x4's and would speed off when they got pelted with glass bottles. It was this point that i realised i was in a slightly more hardcore field than the previous two years (the brown fields!) and that the festival is a whole different world that spirals out of control. Of course there were the usual deodrant cans, baked bean cans, gas canisters thrown on the fires on the sunday night mirroring down town Somalia with all the explosions but the antics were worse in the brown fields. We had to stay up all night to protect our gazebo with sticks from the "GA-ZE-BO" burning mob that went around ripping them up and destroying them. None of the shit i saw will never make it into the news. It was around for those nights and those night only.
One guy jumped over a fire when a gas canister blew up and had to be rushed to hospital because blood was pouring out of his jeans between his legs. Another broke their neck.
Sunday night we didnt need our bog rolls any more so everyone threw them up over the wires with lights on them and the bunting that over hung high up above the metal paths. Being a muppet i unrravled my bog roll and threw it up in the air. Except mine ripped and i was left with no roll and a big pile of toilet paper. So i dumped it on my friends lap whilst he was reading facts from a magazine. I dont know how he didnt realise but i put the tail of the toilet paper into the fire. He then slowly began to wind it in whilst reading out the facts (go knows why he was winding it in) and then when he pulled it all in he froze for a couple of seconds as his whole lap went up in flames instantly. Was one of the funniest things that we had even seen. My ribs really hurt after 5 mins of solid laughing.
After that someone decided to light all the bog rolls that were hanging from the lights. The flames went up slowly and took out all the electricity to the orange camp! The bunting also hung down (which was promptly ripped off).
A special mention goes out to the "Porta-Rave", the "Move that tent" protest quoir (your co-ordination and dynamics were amazing - but did you have to sing those three words until sunrise?) and the lady that ran around on acid with only a jumper on trying to ride chairs.
All in all i had an amazing time. Some peoples actions were pretty stupid and some suffered which sucked. But the stupidness which didnt affect anyone but themselves was pricelss. Ive already booked my ticket for next year and its going to fucking rock!
*thanks to tufty for the images - next time ill risk it and take my digital camera! this year we only had three chairs, 15 beers and a broken stereo nicked!*
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heheheeeeee