Yeah, so I got 1,200 ft/sq of two story loft apartment with a nearly 400 ft/sq patio for less than 700 a month...
But the constant reminders that I'm still in the getto don't help me wonder how I could better provide for my immediate family. My sister is excited for the new conceal carry law so she will feel safe walking from her car to our front door. Illegals pushing grocery carts through your complex honking a fucking horn at all hours and the management not doing a thing about it, because you're lucky to get an office employee on shift who speaks English that day. I have to walk on eggshells when TRYING to complain to the neighbours about loud parties since I'm the only white guy here, and having a "Warning: Bait Car in parking lot" sign from the police in front of our complex because auto theft is so high in the neighbourhood really just don't make you feel like you're achieving much.
And not being able to do a damn thing about it without fear of being labeled a racist is what really upsets me. I always get told that white men have all the power and privilege... Then why can't I get legal assistance applying for state medical insurance while someone who doesn't speak English does? It's it because I have a degree? That I'm supposed to be "not in need" because of my racial make up? Just because I don't speak in Ebonics and spent my life savings up until I was 24 on a degree doesn't mean I'm any less unemployed or in need as everyone else these days. But, the moment there is an issue when police are called, the first thing that is pulled is a race card if a minority police officer of the same race doesn't immediately show up. Even if it's a plain sight crime, this puts an irrational fear in me
"what if I'm a racist? Am I doing something that is considered racist?"
I KNOW I'm not doing anything unjust when I call the police on someone who has, for example, tried to skip on a cab fare of mine (back when I drove a cab) or when I bust someone who is trying to record a live performance at a show I'm at. But when they're a minority, I am put under a social microscope, and the most critical objector is my own self. I have been conditioned that English people are evil because of the American Revolution and "No Taxation Without Representation". That *us* Anglos "Stole our land" and "Enslaved their people"... while that is true and probably the most fucked up of things one human can do to another on many fronts, I'm not General Custer nor am I a Dutch Slaver: I'm a Theater tech who sometimes drives a cab when he can get work to make ends meet. I don't roll around in a fancy Jag or smoke huge cigars (The local gang bangers and drug dealers do that... I can't afford that). I don't get to hang out at some exclusive country club with other successful white people and complain about how the Mexican servants didn't trim my walk just right (considering I'm the guy who's working sound for their country club events, and not even allowed to go into the kitchens because I'm not even part of the staff... theater and live sound guys are a certain sub-class of species in places like that).
But, yet I'm supposed to be this thing. I am at the same time feeling jealous for not having what I'm told I have, and guilty that I am simply that colour.
I'm ashamed of who I am racially, and that's the way it's supposed to be. Just one more flaw to add it seems.
But the constant reminders that I'm still in the getto don't help me wonder how I could better provide for my immediate family. My sister is excited for the new conceal carry law so she will feel safe walking from her car to our front door. Illegals pushing grocery carts through your complex honking a fucking horn at all hours and the management not doing a thing about it, because you're lucky to get an office employee on shift who speaks English that day. I have to walk on eggshells when TRYING to complain to the neighbours about loud parties since I'm the only white guy here, and having a "Warning: Bait Car in parking lot" sign from the police in front of our complex because auto theft is so high in the neighbourhood really just don't make you feel like you're achieving much.
And not being able to do a damn thing about it without fear of being labeled a racist is what really upsets me. I always get told that white men have all the power and privilege... Then why can't I get legal assistance applying for state medical insurance while someone who doesn't speak English does? It's it because I have a degree? That I'm supposed to be "not in need" because of my racial make up? Just because I don't speak in Ebonics and spent my life savings up until I was 24 on a degree doesn't mean I'm any less unemployed or in need as everyone else these days. But, the moment there is an issue when police are called, the first thing that is pulled is a race card if a minority police officer of the same race doesn't immediately show up. Even if it's a plain sight crime, this puts an irrational fear in me
"what if I'm a racist? Am I doing something that is considered racist?"
I KNOW I'm not doing anything unjust when I call the police on someone who has, for example, tried to skip on a cab fare of mine (back when I drove a cab) or when I bust someone who is trying to record a live performance at a show I'm at. But when they're a minority, I am put under a social microscope, and the most critical objector is my own self. I have been conditioned that English people are evil because of the American Revolution and "No Taxation Without Representation". That *us* Anglos "Stole our land" and "Enslaved their people"... while that is true and probably the most fucked up of things one human can do to another on many fronts, I'm not General Custer nor am I a Dutch Slaver: I'm a Theater tech who sometimes drives a cab when he can get work to make ends meet. I don't roll around in a fancy Jag or smoke huge cigars (The local gang bangers and drug dealers do that... I can't afford that). I don't get to hang out at some exclusive country club with other successful white people and complain about how the Mexican servants didn't trim my walk just right (considering I'm the guy who's working sound for their country club events, and not even allowed to go into the kitchens because I'm not even part of the staff... theater and live sound guys are a certain sub-class of species in places like that).
But, yet I'm supposed to be this thing. I am at the same time feeling jealous for not having what I'm told I have, and guilty that I am simply that colour.
I'm ashamed of who I am racially, and that's the way it's supposed to be. Just one more flaw to add it seems.
VIEW 5 of 5 COMMENTS
The purpose of this was not to say how unfair things are, but to preface what was said by the cop (who was white): "Well, it's the guilt of standing aside and being worried about being blamed for being racist and ignoring the incident that preceded that got him (the server) into this mess. I'm sure it wasn't severe enough to resort to violence. This is why he should've called the police to handle this, that way he wouldn't be suffering for his decision."
WTF?!?!
If I'm "guilty" about something, logic states that I got something that I didn't earn, or that someone did not get something they deserved because I some how interfered unjustly. This would denote that I'm gaining some sort of advantage or privilege. Last I checked I'm denied for just about every social service the State of Arizona offers, even when I push for voting and endorse taxes for these services because they are needed. I've just resigned myself to the fact that I will not get ANY social assistance no matter how bad off I am, while there are plenty of people driving Escalades with Custom rims and spending hundreds on recreational elements while on welfare because not only do they get that assistance, but they get legal help because they're "disadvantaged" with an education, while I worked my ass off for 6 years to get it. Just because I can build a set, wire a lightboard and weld 60 feet in the air doesn't mean I'm an expert lawyer who can get around racially-motivated prohibitions and addendums that have been put in to keep us "white folk" from getting an unfair advantage.
And, even now I worry that it's racist that I don't get the same shake as someone else, that I am REQUIRED to be given less chances because I am a white male, and that by even stating that, I may have what opportunities I have taken away for being racist or sexist by stating I don't know what is racist or sexist anymore, especially when I try overtly hard to NOT be.
At the risk of sounding racist and sexist: If you're not a lower income White Male... odds are you wouldn't understand. (And yet I feel like I'm being seen as an asshole stating that fact...)