ive been feeling shitty lately, cant figure out why. starting to get my life in order but there is something that is bothering me. might be that i cant go out and party cuz my friend base is all moving in a different direction. i feel like i cant be the person i used to be. i cant go back to my old neighborhood and hang out because its on the opposite coast. friends on this coast are not into the party life i had back home. some days i miss home because of my HUGE friend base. but i also remember how hard and stressing it was trying to stay connected with them. where i am now its not like that, its not like the life and friends i had back home. i feel a strong bond with these friends. i have known them for a short time but i feel good bonds. we go out we stay in. we drink til we are staggering home or we sit and talk til the night is done. we drink socially or we drink hardcore. but now i think about it...am i drinking so much because i want to be social or am i drinking so much because i have a problem? i think i am getting tired of hearing stories of when i was drunk or stories of me having a good time and i cant remember. i heard a story the other night that made me wonder. i was told that i was drinking hardcore and having a good time. ordered a round of drinks and before i took one i look at my friend and said i need to go home. they were fine with it and walked wit me to the car and when i got in the car i was told that i was happy about how i felt. i was saying that i love feeling the way i did. got home at 3am that morning, woke up at 7 tended to the dogs, wife got dressed and i was still a little numb from the night before. but walked her down to work and walked back home. go by my job talk with my friend that i was with the night before and was told that i promised a friend i was with the night before i would help them move some stuff out of the house and they would be picking me up around noon. ohh i felt great that day. but i wouldnt back out of what i said i would do. even if i dont remember i will do what i said i would do. a man must keep his word. i like that i write in one line no breaking of thoughts if you spend the time to read this i would like to hear your thoughts. i dont have friends to bounce some thoughts off of and get good feedback.
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let me know