nellichaos

i have an awful headache and lots of work to get done before noon so that it actually looks like i've been doing something besides playing on the internet all morning when someone else shows up for work. ugh.
ryan doesn't believe in air conditioning. it feels like we sleep in a sauna, but i guess it makes being outside or being otherwise warm a little less awful. if i can sleep in the heat i can function in it during the day.
tomorrow, we're going to cedar point, which is likely to be amazing. i actually managed to convince work that i needed the day off. i mean, i have to work the friday that i originally had off, but it's not really that big of a deal.

i have pretty much felt like a wreck the past few days. it's been really hot which generally makes me feel awful anyway. ryan has been really diffacult too. there are all these girls at work, alright--two, that have crushes on her. i guess that my insecurities are just running in high gear and i'm sort of scared that she's going to find someone else. in reality, we aren't in a "relationship" we just sleep in the same bed five nights a week and see each other more or less every day. we stay up late into the night talking about life and snuggling and being close, but we aren't in a "relationship." things are jsut diffacult. things are hard. i care way more than i probably should and in the end i am probably going to get hurt. i don't really want to stop or have it end though. we talked about it a little bit last night but ryan just didn't really know what to say and i didn't know what i wanted her to say. it was nice to at least get some of my feelings and concerns out in the open. sometimes, i'm a total flake and this situation doesn't really make things any easier.