nelipot

today i told you i loved you, and and counted the silence after.
your eyes seemed greyer than usual, the autopilot teasing routine.
my mind wandered to other, happier times
days when i saw a light, chance, sparks.
that little bit of magic in the air.

but all those memories seem tea stained
with doubts of their reality.
the delusional power of belief,
and me, the cynic of religion.
and you ask 'where have you gone?'

i go here. i don't leave here.

and what if it doesn't matter
time passed, good and bad respectively
company in adventures of life
and bubbles pop, dreams fade
all things come to an end.

so why do i wonder what you're thinking
when many of horror is playing
why do your eyes fall at the 10th line?
is the hurt a pretense
a reflection, a mask of relief?

and i'll never say so
but i know what you've said behind my back
and it hurts like nothing other
except i can't help but feel
its my fault, somehow.

so forgive me when i'm shaking
at the very sight of your friends
but when you have so much in someone
there's very little defense.

and i wish you endless happiness
i will love you to the end of days
my shadow of life without you
is grieving every single day
for what could have been.