nelipot

It's my birthday. Or, it's my party and I'll cry if I want to. I am about to enter the hardest six months of my life.

Goodbye SG, it's no longer appropriate to be on here with my troubles so I'm off to another site. I wish you all well and the peace and happiness you deserve.

When your everything isn't good enough
and you give it all in exchange for guilt,
just cry the tears silently, and show a stubborn chin
walk away quietly- they'll make sure you never win.

Empty, hollow soul.
If I'm going to forced to crawl through this hell, I'll never return.

My pointless life ticks by
and all I can think of are those messages
and the remaining unknown.

Another night of mystery
another night of being to blame.

Alone. with only my mind to destroy me.

Gone.
Nelipot is now alone.

not having any answers, upsets me. knowing you have answers but choose to talk to other people about this, rather than me, hurts me. are you wanting me to walk away? because it's kind of the only option i'm being left with.

i could really tear myself apart over all this.
but i don't want to anymore.

i have done all i could, and been the best i could be. i have tried not to be a burden, an irritant, or unfavourable company, even if i haven't wholly succeeded. i have been calm and patient during your troubled times, which were easier to understand because of my...
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Maybe it's time to add pills to this pathetic cocktail.
I don't even know what words mean anymore, how to differentiate each individuals feelings by the language they choose to use.
What is caring? What is worry? What is love? What is trust?
When will this aching end?

I will run away
before my pride is pushed.
You say you are not looking
but miss the point that you won't stay.
I am not a compromise
or a filler until things are better in your head
because I know how this story will pan out
and I'm not waiting for someone elses happy ending.

i go on and on about you.
and you go on and on without me.

cease your guilt, just put me down and go.
how normal is it to see what your ex is doing?

i go on and on about you
and you go on and on without me.

it would make my life easier if i could just trust you again.
then i wouldn't think you were lying all the time
and be waiting for the door to slam in my face
or maybe your fist.