This is my first assessment piece for my creative writing course. Any comments/feedback would be great. We had to write a piece that was 300 words maximum in which the character/s went from a geographical valley to a mountain peak for whatever reason we wanted. This was mine:
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*Escape*
The creatures will come for me when the light fades.
The lengthening shadows will awaken them. Their eyes will slide open slowly, lazily. They will sniff the air, drawing my scent to them.
The smell of fear. Unmistakeable.
The smell of food.
I am the last one left.
Survival. Some said it came down to skill, others said it was pure luck. One said it was because God favoured us. They were all wrong.
The few of us that survived the nuclear blast left the city to find somewhere undamaged. We headed for the mountains, hoping the land beyond them would be untouched. The fastest way was through the narrow valley, its sides thick with the charred corpses of ancient trees. We thought we had left our nightmares in the city's empty shell. Here we found new ones.
Our weapons couldn't save us. The creatures' thick hides repelled bullets. Their eyes seemed hard like glass. They picked us off one by one in the darkness. Each morning another of us was gone, leaving only blood on the hard ground.
We were at their mercy. The only thing that stopped them was the light.
Already it is dusk. Shadows pool around my feet. The mountains stretch above me, their tips golden.
I hear the scrape of claws on stone. Adrenalin pushes me up the steep slope, stretching for the sun.
I've never moved so fast. Suddenly it's easy. I'm closer to the light, closer, and then finally I'm there.
I'm on the mountaintop. There's nowhere left to go. The other side is drowned in shadows. The light is fading.
The creatures are close now. I can hear them breathing.
The light flares bright one last time, blinding me with its brilliance.
Then dies, and the darkness rushes in to greet me.
************************************************************
*Escape*
The creatures will come for me when the light fades.
The lengthening shadows will awaken them. Their eyes will slide open slowly, lazily. They will sniff the air, drawing my scent to them.
The smell of fear. Unmistakeable.
The smell of food.
I am the last one left.
Survival. Some said it came down to skill, others said it was pure luck. One said it was because God favoured us. They were all wrong.
The few of us that survived the nuclear blast left the city to find somewhere undamaged. We headed for the mountains, hoping the land beyond them would be untouched. The fastest way was through the narrow valley, its sides thick with the charred corpses of ancient trees. We thought we had left our nightmares in the city's empty shell. Here we found new ones.
Our weapons couldn't save us. The creatures' thick hides repelled bullets. Their eyes seemed hard like glass. They picked us off one by one in the darkness. Each morning another of us was gone, leaving only blood on the hard ground.
We were at their mercy. The only thing that stopped them was the light.
Already it is dusk. Shadows pool around my feet. The mountains stretch above me, their tips golden.
I hear the scrape of claws on stone. Adrenalin pushes me up the steep slope, stretching for the sun.
I've never moved so fast. Suddenly it's easy. I'm closer to the light, closer, and then finally I'm there.
I'm on the mountaintop. There's nowhere left to go. The other side is drowned in shadows. The light is fading.
The creatures are close now. I can hear them breathing.
The light flares bright one last time, blinding me with its brilliance.
Then dies, and the darkness rushes in to greet me.
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P.S I like your writing!