So... what i was scared of...
Last night my boyfriend - now ex - came over and before he did i had made up my mind that I had to end it once and for all... I was terrified of how he would react.
things had been going okay but then he really freaked out at me about a week and a half ago and for me, that's when it was over. But as i do, i prolonged making the decision. I lost a lot of feelings and respect for him that night when he went off the deep end, and i finally realised that those feelings weren't coming back. Every time he got angry i shut myself off from him more out of self-preservation and this time I shut myself off completely and for good.
Most of you would already know the background of this so i won't elaborate. I'll just say he was emotionally abusive and has anger issues, he never hit me but he did always punch himself in the head so hard that he would still have lumps from it a week down the track.
So I finally decided that I needed to make the break and stop putting it off and putting it off. I talked to him for almost five hours last night and finally got him to accept it to some extent, and leave.
He's rang me a couple of times since, and messaged me, but he knows it's over. I've told him that I still care for him and love him, and I do, I just can't be with someone who treats me like that. And anyway we are very different people who want completely different things from life. He wants to buy a house, move in together, get engaged, get married, have kids.
I want a lot more from my life than that.
So... I'm sad and I feel like a bitch for doing it, but I know deep down that I've done the right thing for myself. And sometimes you really do have to look out for yourself, selfish as it might be.
I told him he can contact me whenever he needs to talk, i'll always be here for him, I just won't be 'with' him. And if he decides to go to counselling about his anger and stuff, if he still wants me to come with him I will. He seemed to want that.
So... not a terrible outcome i guess. He doesn't seem to hate me. And we probably won't end up being great friends or anything, but i think things happen for a reason and I helped him get through a really difficult time in his life, he says that himself, and maybe that's just what was meant to be.
I know i'm going to be okay, and I think he will be too. Hopefully this will make him realise that he can't treat his girlfriend the way he treated me, and his next girlfriend won't have to go through what i did.
I just want him to be happy, and I want to be happy too. And unfortunately i really don't think that would have happened if we had stayed together.
Do I sound like a cold, heartless bitch? i really hope not.
Last night my boyfriend - now ex - came over and before he did i had made up my mind that I had to end it once and for all... I was terrified of how he would react.
things had been going okay but then he really freaked out at me about a week and a half ago and for me, that's when it was over. But as i do, i prolonged making the decision. I lost a lot of feelings and respect for him that night when he went off the deep end, and i finally realised that those feelings weren't coming back. Every time he got angry i shut myself off from him more out of self-preservation and this time I shut myself off completely and for good.
Most of you would already know the background of this so i won't elaborate. I'll just say he was emotionally abusive and has anger issues, he never hit me but he did always punch himself in the head so hard that he would still have lumps from it a week down the track.
So I finally decided that I needed to make the break and stop putting it off and putting it off. I talked to him for almost five hours last night and finally got him to accept it to some extent, and leave.
He's rang me a couple of times since, and messaged me, but he knows it's over. I've told him that I still care for him and love him, and I do, I just can't be with someone who treats me like that. And anyway we are very different people who want completely different things from life. He wants to buy a house, move in together, get engaged, get married, have kids.
I want a lot more from my life than that.
So... I'm sad and I feel like a bitch for doing it, but I know deep down that I've done the right thing for myself. And sometimes you really do have to look out for yourself, selfish as it might be.
I told him he can contact me whenever he needs to talk, i'll always be here for him, I just won't be 'with' him. And if he decides to go to counselling about his anger and stuff, if he still wants me to come with him I will. He seemed to want that.
So... not a terrible outcome i guess. He doesn't seem to hate me. And we probably won't end up being great friends or anything, but i think things happen for a reason and I helped him get through a really difficult time in his life, he says that himself, and maybe that's just what was meant to be.
I know i'm going to be okay, and I think he will be too. Hopefully this will make him realise that he can't treat his girlfriend the way he treated me, and his next girlfriend won't have to go through what i did.
I just want him to be happy, and I want to be happy too. And unfortunately i really don't think that would have happened if we had stayed together.
Do I sound like a cold, heartless bitch? i really hope not.
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I think you can be happy now if you stick to your guns. I hope you will be anyway.