necrogoat

today, lee called me. he's in jail again. apparently he strangled his cat at some strangers bar mitzah. that's lee for you. wild and unpredictable. he said when he gets out he wants to huff some glue and get a case of beer and "tear the roof off on this joint." i think lee needs to settle down and think of his career in video collages. but everytime i tell him that he just laughs and says "man broham, i aint even care anymore." sometimes i walk by the bathroom when he is using it. i hear this sobbing followed by this strange, awkward howl. poor guy. i think if he shaves off his goatee, things could be looking up for him. you know he was invited to greece to become their emperor but turned it down cause gyros give him gas? i didn't know that. he told me that down at the shamrock the other day. lee doesn't lie so i believe him. one day lee stared at a rainbow and skittles came out of it. he once stared at a gaping asshole for 8 minutes before gently sticking his finger in it. he also threw up all over the prime minister of japan. lee also invented the terms "shitshack done" and "like a diamond". lee once started a fight with a truck...and won. lee traveled back in time and shaved the head of napolean for 5 bucks. lee was on the maury show and threw a chair into the audience and stragled 6 people, including dee west, before he was tasered by maury and 3 producers. lee will eat all your leftovers. lee will sleep on your couch, even if he is unwanted and you want him to leave. lee once had a dream that involved the ninja turtles and bea arthur. lee possessed my cat during a voodoo session. my cat later hung itself from a curtain. anyways, i'm tired.