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ndoki

center of the world

Member Since 2003

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Saturday May 10, 2003

May 10, 2003
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today's entry, a dream....

I have strange dreams for such a plain man such as me...las night was no exception.

I was at a wedding (reception or ceremony...it wasn't clear) it was an ice rink and to my side i could see the bride and groom trying to keep each other up as they skated to each of the guests for a bit of friendly chat (People celebrate weddings in icerinks do they not?).
Then their was entertainment on one of those platforms that they use to perform gymnastics in the olympics...and on it was hulk hogan (residue from flipping the channels to smack down i figured) and then the strangest thing occured which is the reason why i write this now for all suicide boys and girls to see.
I saw my ex girlfriend Stacie from several years ago...my first girlfriend...as I saw her that first night at that dance with the demolay boys, and job's daugther's girls. Those friendly eyes that i notice right away that night were there in my dream.
Her smile ascentuated my her little frekles that i loved...
I remember us taking in the dream, reminising, me apologizing for ending it the way i did and hurting her...her telling me how she never forgot me and how she missed me.
"I have seen your sister, now and again," i told her. "She has this site now,"she responded,"I wonder if you have head of it," as she said this she logged herself onto a computer, and on it was the login page to Suicide Girls.
"know it!? And then i remembered her face, thinking back on the first days of my being at Suicide girls and seeing the pictures of a fair skinned girl, with freckles and a timid smile and blonde hair...and how i thought to myself that it looked like Stacie, this girl that was now in my dream...could it be her?
"Are you in this site?" and she said yes...how wierd that fate is the way it is ...
she asked me if I ever thought of what might have been...and i nodded...I was very unfair to you i said, and i am sorry if i caused you any pain.
"would you conscider being as we were now,"she said,"would you, i mean."

"Stacie, why would you even conscider being with me after the way i had treated you? I do not deserve a second chance...you already have a life in montana,"and she looked at me with this sad expression. "And I here, thinking of the girl i am with now...and as i thought this I woke up....
Stacie, that is exactly the way it's spelt...I remember...
Is she here in this site I wonder...and if she happens across this I hope she can know...
ndoki:
this girl that is in the site...it isn't her...it was simply a dream...
May 10, 2003

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