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ndoki

center of the world

Member Since 2003

Followers 17 Following 62

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Tuesday Jul 08, 2003

Jul 8, 2003
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have you ever wondered what it was you were put on this earth to do? i mean really wondered about it? Why is it that some people become world leaders, and others teachers, what makes one a millionaire, and the other homeless?
take me for instance...i grew up with the people around me wishing me to do great things, travel the world, become a doctor...while i get homesick and can't stand the sight of blood.
I tell them i want to be an artist...which is no small feat as most of you might know being artists yourselves...
for a time, i wanted to be a priest just because of some recurring dream...
a part of me wants to be a teacher, but i realize i have nothing to teach...
then out of nowhere, it was decided i take up karate...and strangely enough i had found this new religion...
not of Jesus, or Mohammed, or Moses, not even of fighting as one might expect from karate...but of mind.
what it can do, in unison with your body...beyond the physical
and in the corner, among all the forms, and words and symbols lies where i'm supposed to be...but it alludes me.
it was the lack of this one thing that made me leave one year ago...from that, i quit my job....i stopped drawing, i realized i had no idea what i was doing in school...
and then i looked through a book of japanese prints...and i saw it...right out of the corner of my eye...that spot that when you look at it straight on it disappears,
i see it just barely,
and i started to draw again...
and realized what i was in school for...
and i came back...
my role as a student is not finished...i still have so much more to experience and learn...
i'll know, and have always known just how much more i need...
I know...
and no one else...
that was the trick all along...
it is up to me...
_risforrad:
oh BOY do I wonder about what I was put on earth to do. I especially wonder everytime I experience a major set back; I'm always like "is this a sign? am I on the wrong path?".

I've settled on the idea that my purpose is to examine my existence; to strive for growth, even if it means walking away from my life for awhile, gaining some perspective, and then coming back and starting again. To struggle to live according to your truth, all the while desperately questioning and re-examining and redefining your truth. That it doesn't matter what you DO, so much as what you LEARN from it. In your dream where you teach the kids to start a journal; I really liked that that was the most you could tell them. It was kind of like "hey, don't look to ME for answers! We're all in the same boat, kids. Learn from yourself. Search for your own truth." I mean, that's probably the most honest advice you could really give anyone searching to begin their life.
Jul 9, 2003

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