Lets just say that when I finally worked up the mental strength to leave my bedroom and take the two or three steps to the bathroom, I saw my dad coming up from the basement wearing these awful, big yellow rubber boots and thick pink rubber gloves, holding what looked exactly like the ornate curvy silver soup ladle my mother would ceremoniously dig out and...
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He went to the massive penitentiary like public high school in the middle of this barren field. It was practically ringed with razor wire. It wasnt obviously, but at night, with all the squat windowless buildings sprawled over this huge treeless area, all lit up by these most unsettling yellowy flood lights, you would have sworn you saw at least some razor wire ringing that...
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The speaker's stories, if you sit up front and listen hard, are basically all alike. It is very easy to "identify". Again, "identify" means "empathize".
1.Fun with substance.
2.Gradually less fun with substance.
3.Significantly less fun with substance.
4.Increasing physical need for substance.
5.Complete loss of voluntary fun with substance.
6.Suddenly just very little fun of any sort at all
7.Dread
8.Anxiety
9.Irrational phobias
10.Dim,...
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1.Fun with substance.
2.Gradually less fun with substance.
3.Significantly less fun with substance.
4.Increasing physical need for substance.
5.Complete loss of voluntary fun with substance.
6.Suddenly just very little fun of any sort at all
7.Dread
8.Anxiety
9.Irrational phobias
10.Dim,...
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trixxie:
What is your PERSONAL experience with substances? Were you a "club kid" back in the day or what?!?!? I would really really like to know something about you Jim. I very much want to know at least one REAL thing about you, what you do , Who you are, Who you were...aNYTHING that doesn't read like I just picked upa random novel and flipped open o a page and started reading halfway through a chapter...give me something..what did you do today? Trix
trixxie:
I was just rereading this and now I see..I stopped at 7...with some minor relapses ..I don't think of myself as an addict or exaddict whatever...maybe I was just a "functionong addict" because I rarely broke my own rules, like missing work( instead I just went high hahah) and I never lost any personal relationships either..although now maybe I see because all my friends were in the same boat as me and my then boyfriend, now husband, is the most forgiving person I know....
But...
It wasn't her crazy thick Chinese accent of a dialect that even the Chinese guys that all stand around smoking outside the grim cheap 2nd floor electronics stores and awful lighting wholesalers that are way down on Bowery, near Canal, by the bridge, couldn't begin to even attempt to understand and how she all but mangled every sentence when attempting things in English, but instead,...
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The thing is though, when I finally decided to head home and go inside, as I walked up the driveway, I sensed something was up. Something just was off. All the lights were on in my house and I just knew someone was over. The lights in my house were always off. They honestly were. For some reason, they were always, regardless of whether it...
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...
But once I rolled down the hill and turned onto C Street, where it got all dark and empty along the woods, I spotted something in the road. Right smack dab in the middle of the road, right in my headlights in front of the car, was the CABBIT again. Holy cow. You cant imagine. You see, the cabbit had become somewhat of an obsession...
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I was in fact, just trying to get the fuck out of there and had failed to notice a small hole by the sidewalk out front and took a nasty spill onto the concrete. I had been hustling so fast to just get out of there that I really hit the concrete pretty hard. The way I hit my knee and elbow, both on the...
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A week later, we were cutting across Grand, heading south on Eldridge and making our way to that little coffee place our friend worked and showed canvas' at from time to time. She was explaining how the dreaded "two slots, everything stops!" announcement meant you probably were not eating at all that night no matter what anyone said and that also no one in any...
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VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
trixxie:
ok, ok...I read your journal-esq entries like a crack head checks the door and phone constantly.
trixxie:
I'm officially stalking now I think. Found you tonight to check your entries and you were not on the member search only found you through my comments thingy..are u not even here anymore either???????? 