nautideux

For some reason, today, just walking along, I unexpectly found myself wanting a Devil Dog. For some reason, more or less out of the blue, I just wanted a Devil Dog. The snack cake thing. And I remember this funny thing that this guy came up with when I was working at this place one hideous summer. The summer was fine and all, but the fact I was working at this particular place, THAT is what made it hideous. Awful, honestly, if you want to know the truth. But thinking about that funny thing that guy did was enough to kind of cheer me up. It was just a funny little kind of thing he came up with during lunch. What he did was, he would take two devil dogs, sort of knead them around in a little plastic sandwich baggy for 10 minutes or so until it was this light-brown type of mess. He would really just squeeze the fuck out of them for like 10 minutes, sitting there, quietly, with his hands underneath the table. Then, with scissors, he would snip off a little corner of the bottom of the baggy, and like some sort of pastry chef, master baker or something, he would gently, with his tongue between his teeth, squeeze the bag and out would come what could only be described as a perfect replica of human feces. I know, I know, but at the time it was just about the funniest fucking thing I ever saw. Everyone would double over with laughter. Even if you were kind of depressed and not in the mood for the guys crap and just wanted to eat your fucking lunch and stare out the window and everything, you couldnt help but crack up when he did it. You honestly couldnt help it. He was an artist with the devil dog baggy. He really was. From three feet away it honestly looked like the real deal. Sometimes I swear it even smelled like human fecal matter. It didnt obviously, but I swear that it looked so real, I thought it actually even smelled a little, more than a few times. He did it all serious and would squint and arch his back all funny, and bite his tongue between his teeth and every time, when he was finished, it would be absolutely perfect. A perfect replica. And the one time everyone saw the janitor spot it and put on rubber gloves and sweep the little 2 or 3 loaf pile into that dustpan thing on a stick, well I almost had a heart attack and still crack up occasionally to this day when I think about it. Just the grimace on the janitors face when he swept it into that dustpan thing and how he turned his face kind of halfway away from it and honestly seemed to not even be able to look at it, let alone sweep it up, literally, to this day, can have tears of laughter rolling down my face, if I happen to think about it. But when I got to the snack section, it was infact a Yodel that I was thinking of and more or less wanted. Not a Devil Dog. But still.